Code Geese: Lucia of the Redecoration
by TrunksIzayaBossKadoDRRRotaku
Summary: One fine day in Japan, the holy Empire of Briticisms invades because of Japan's stinginess with anime. Thus starts a terrible war that causes a young boy...no...a young GIRL, to declare war on her country! Female/Male Gender Bender
1. Chapter 1

A/N:Hello, here is my newest parody series! This is a parody of Code Geass. I know many have been done before, but mine is a little different. What if...the genders of everyone were inversed?

Character list

Lucia Lamborghini-(Lelouch)

Suzie Kururuma0(Suzaku)

Neddy Lamborghini- (Nunnally)

A.T.B. 2010

* * *

><p>The date was August 10th in the year 2010 of the Briticisms calendar. Or was it the llth? I'm not really good at remembering dates, so <em>how<em> can I deliver this monologue properly?Especially since I've lived hundreds of years or more. Wanna know my secret? Diet and exercise! Ah, well...whatever. Anyway, the Holy Empire of Briticisms had decided to declare war on Japan. _Actually_, the Empire of Briticisms has a really huge ego, so they're _always_ picking fights with other countries (over trivial things.) This time, however...Briticism's concern towards Japan was moral, ethical, and this time, just.

What was the problem? No, it wasn't about the stupid sakuradite that they needed to use to run their giant robots, which polluted the environment, were noisy, and gave people diseases. It was the soldiers. The soldiers were complaining about the lack of anime to watch on Brittube. Not just the soldiers, however. Because Brittube's corporations and other shadowy villains had removed them due to silly things like coffee rights, or things like that. Well, that made the empress, Charisma zi Briticism, pissed. She was also a big fan of anime herself, so naturally she told the Briticists soldiers to go and attack Japan. And attack they did.

Two girls were climbing up a hill. One was a girl with long black hair and purple eyes. The other was a girl as well. She had curly brown hair and green eyes. Both of them were not professionals at climbing up hills, of course. Maybe the brown-haired one had more practice. You'd have to ask her.

"Suzie, help me up!" The black-haired girl cried. She was not very athletic, and she was not very tough, either. But what she lacked in physical strength she made up for in her mental strength and her shotacon complex for her brother, Neddy.

"You do it yourself, Lucy!" Suzie replied back. "You're supposed to be able to do these things yourself! You're pathetic for a girl! Even Neddy can climb hills better than you!" She scolded.

"But he's in a wheelchair!"

"So? It doesn't mean he can't climb up hills. He can still use his hands, right-oh, crap." Suzie said, but realized she had spilled the beans.

"Suzie...a little help here? I'm going to fall to my death. AHHHH!" She said melodramatically.

"No, you won't! Oh, Lucia, grab my hand!" Suzie cried. She grabbed Lucia and pulled her up. Somehow, Suzie was huffing a lot more than Lucia was.

"Why are you panting so much? From what I know about you, you're always working out at that girl Dorothy's place! Don't you go to the Yellow Brick Road to train?" She asked aloud.

"Dorothy is the headmaster, while Tohdoh is just her dog who helps me train."

"Is that so?" Lucia repeated skeptically, her eyebrows raised.

"It's those damn...five-hour energy drinks. I hate them."

"Aren't they supposed to give you energy, Suzie? Above all, why are you panting? You had _five_ of them!" She pointed out.

"I took them all at once." He confessed, his breath coming in ragged gasps.

"Oh. That's reasonable, then." Lucia said, sticking her nose in the air. "Wait a second..." She stopped, and suddenly pointed her hand out toward the mountains where they were...

"IS THAT A UFO?" She cried.

Suzie looked up and said, "What? UFO'S? You actually believe in those?"

"Y-Yeah, this one time I was at my father's palace, and I saw-"

"Yeah, right."

"Neddy saw it, too!" Lucia protested.

"Can he describe what it looked like?"

"Of course not! He's blind!" Lucia said.

"Well, then how can I vouch for you?" Suzie said skeptically.

"Never mind. It is a UFO!"

"Look, I told you before, it's not a UFO, so-" But when Suzie saw what was coming, her eyes grew as wide as saucers. "WHOA! WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?" She exclaimed in disbelief.

"Doesn't it look like a swarm of bees?" Lucia innocently said.

Suzie and Lucia traded glances briefly, then they shouted, "RUN! I KNEW IT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA TO KICK THOSE BEEHIVES!"

Lucia frowned at her. "Where did you do that?"

"Never mind." Suzie said. Then, they came to the startling realization that, as they got closer, the "bees" looked a lot more like airplanes or gliders. "Either we're being invaded, or else bees have learned how to fly an airplane. If that's so, we're doomed!" Suzie said, shaking.

"Hold on, I have to go find Neddy!" Lucia cried, running back and getting her younger brother. The three of them hid.

"What is going on?" Neddy asked, looking around...well, not _really_, tilting his head.

"I'm right here, Neddy!" Lucia exclaimed.

"Oh. Good thing you're here, big sister. I could never live without you!"

"I could never live without you, either!"

"Stop with the incestuous relationship! It's not appropriate for the readers!" Suzie exclaimed. Suzie was always ready to defend the audience.

* * *

><p>This "incestuous" girl was Lucia Lamborghini. She was ten years old, and she was Lucia vi Briticism, and she was the Eleventh Princess of the Holy Briticisms empire. What she didn't understand was why Briticism was invading Japan. "I don't get it! Not all people like anime, right?"<p>

She herself did not really like anime that much, but her younger brother, Neddy, adored it. Neddy, or Neddy Vi Briticisms, was the Eleventh Prince. He was crippled and blind.

"But I thought you said you liked the one with the shinigami!" Neddy complained.

"It's all right."

* * *

><p>Neddy was about to cry, then Lucia patted his head. And then the army came in. A bunch of angry, furious, soldiers came charging at the bushes where they were hidden. Is hiding in the bushes a really obvious location? Yes. Do anime characters really have much common sense? No.<p>

"DARN YOU, JAPANESE! YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR DELETING ANIME OFF OF BRITTUBE!" That was their battle cry.

The three children hid. You must always hide from a band of angry fans. Always.

Anyhow, as they hid there, Lucia thought back over her brief life, in case she died here. Her father was murdered by the jealous nobles in the court. The nobles didn't like him for various reasons, the following being:

a. His poor hygiene and lack of proper tooth care. No noble wanted to be around someone who never bathed or brushed his teeth. Heck, his cravat was moldy and he'd been wearing the same cape for twenty years!

His refusal to share things with others. He had a bad habit of borrowing video games and never returning them, and anything else he borrowed never returned.

was the empress's lover.

a commoner because he was tone-deaf.

So, they had him assassinated. At least, that's what Lucia thought. So, she had demanded that her mother, the Empress, do something about it. Unfortunately, her mother was reading a newspaper and was also listening to her Ipod, so she didn't pay attention until Lucia started screaming. At which point, all the nobles in the court started insisting that she be dragged out.

Her mother had said these words to her. The words which scarred her deep inside. "Shut up, you brat! Don't come into the palace unless you knock! Second of all, when I'm reading, do not bother me! You are such a whiny little brat! I'm going to send you to Japan, just for that!"

"But that's a minor issue!" Lucia protested.

"Oh, shut up!"

* * *

><p>Lucia turned and walked dejectedly out of the hall. A pink-haired boy with long hair watched her leave with sad eyes. His name was Eucatastrophe li Briticisms, or Euchie. He was such a girlish prince that everyone mistook him for one. His mother wanted him to be a girl, so she often made him wear his hair down. His brother Prince Cornelius li Briticism disapproved of this, of course.<p>

"Will I be able to see Lucy again?" Eucatastrophe inquired.

"No."

"Okay." Eucatastrophe said, nodding his head. _"I wonder if she'll send me a postcard." _

* * *

><p>"We're gonna declare ourselves dead." Lucia informed Suzie, who looked at her like she was nuts.<p>

"Why?"

"So, they won't find us. And, I'll be able to do absolutely anything I want!" Lucia declared, an evil smile on her face. "But, I swear, Suzie...I will...one day...DESTROY BRITICISMS!"

* * *

><p>Seven years later<p>

The Tokyo Settlements

Ah, the picturesque country of Japan. Such a wonderful culture full of loveliness, samurai, swords, and sushi. Not to mention the dictators who now ruled Japan with an iron fist and denied their people even the right to call them by their name. Say what? Wait a second...that's right. The Briticists lived in absolute luxury, while the Japanese are forced to suffer in silence.

This country is now called Arena 11. Basically, they're called Elevens. Why are they called such stupid words? I don't know why. People just wanted them to feel less than human. Besides, everyone knows Eleven is a stupid number. They probably should have named it something better, like Arena Seven. But there was already an Arena Seven, and no one wanted to complain with what Charisma zi Briticism did, because she was the Empress. She was in charge, after all. Anyone who thought otherwise...was shipped out of the country, or killed and sent to heaven.

Not all of her children felt that way, however.

* * *

><p>There was a chess match. A nobleman who was so rotund he could easily pass as Santa Claus was sitting there on one side, polishing his nails. A man who looked really stressed out was on the other side of the board, looking as though someone had written his name in the notebook that kills people.<p>

He stared at the chess board. How does playing a game of chess stress out people? We don't know. But somehow, this game of chess seemed to be so stressful that it looked like he was having a heart attack.

"Whoa, there pops, you've gotta settle down! Don't give yourself heart failure, this is only a children's board game." The noble said bluntly.

"How much exercise do you get? Looks like you don't get much." The man, Rubicon Ashtray, remarked. "There is no way I can win this. No way..."

Suddenly, the door opened, and two girls came in.

"What do we have here? Schoolgirls?" The nobleman scoffed.

"Looks like someone doesn't get out much." An icy voice said. It belonged to a tall, lanky girl with long black hair, and cold purple eyes. She was wearing a schoolgirl uniform and so was her friend beside her, who was also female, with long blue hair and grey eyes.

"Oh, are things going well in school?" Rubicon asked.

"Of course, since I'm acing every class by snoring through them." She said.

"What?"

"Nothing." She said, shaking her head.

"Whoa, it looks like you can't win this one! Look, the pieces on his side are black, and the pieces on your side are yellow! So, if the colors mix together, he'll turn your pieces black and win!" The girl exclaimed.

"Hey, Rika." Lucia began. "Did anyone ever tell you you're stupid?"

"Uh, um...sorry!" Rika said, clutching her hand to her mouth. This was seventeen-year old Rika Cardigan. She was Lucia's buddy, and they often ditched the Student Council to go off gambling in order to avoid being around so many hot men. "That nobleman guy isn't bad-looking..."She said, licking her lips.

"I hate noblemen. They're not very attractive due to the fact that they usually don't get much exercise." Lucia said.

"What was that?" The nobleman bristled.

"Rika, I know you're bi, but will you _please_ stop hitting on everyone you meet?" Lucia remarked. By this time, the nobleman looked very uncomfortable. His face was as white as a sheet. She sighed. "All right, I'm gonna go play chess with this old man because I have nothing better to do with my time." She said, and then she sat down.

"Oh, please, how will you defeat _me_? By taking off your clothes?"

"By kicking your ass, sexist pig." Lucia responded coldly.

"You have spunk, but you can't beat me when it comes to a children's board game." The nobleman snorted, feeling very overconfident.

"You never know, old man." She replied dryly as she started the game.

"You start with the king?" The old man said, then he started laughing hysterically.

"If the king doesn't lead, none of his subordinates will take him seriously. Isn't that the way royalty works?" Lucia said astutely.

"Only in your delusional dreams, kid." He chuckled.

"I can't believe it! Where is she at this hour?" An orange-haired boy with green eyes screamed. He was angry because his "girlfriend" was not calling him at all. He had an obsessive interest in her. "Why does she always go off and gamble? I swear..."

The boy's name was Shiny Fenestra. He had been in love with-_okay, obsessed with _Lucia ever since the first time he had seen her. _Ah, those lovely hips of hers, those gorgeous eyelashes, that masculine face, a really small bust...oh, yeah. She's a dream girl, all right._

"There's no cell phone service? Darn it!" He cried.

"What are you doing in the girl's bathroom, you pervert?" A girl asked, and then a whole bunch of girls surrounded Shiny.

"No, that's not what I meant. I was trying to contact my girlfriend and-ahhh!" He screamed as he was thrown out of the room by the angry girls. "Darn it...my one chance at getting girls and I blew it. Except for Lucia...oh, Lucia." He muttered, getting up and rubbing his orange hair. "Oh, where did Rika and Lucia go? Rika's pretty hot, too."

* * *

><p>"So, did someone fail totally at life?" A blond-haired boy asked, coming towards him. His chest was very muscular, and he smirked at Shiny. His name was Mince Ashtray, and he was the grandson of the principal of the school, who was somehow involved in gambling. As if that can be a good reputation for someone who is a principal!<p>

"Hi, Mr. President." Shiny said quietly.

"So, did you fail at trying to stalk girls again?" When Shiny nodded morosely, he continued. "Here are some tips."

Silence reigned. "What are the tips?"

"Grow a spine! Don't like guys like Nino does!" Mince hissed, pointing at Nino, who was hiding his face in the corner and reading some kind of magazine. Nino Eightball was playing for the other side of the team. He had a secret crush on Prince Eucatastrophe li Briticism. He had liked him ever since he had learned about him through the Internet. But already, he was head over heels in love with him, even though Eucatastrophe had no clue he existed.

_Oh, it'll be just like something out of a yuri magazine, only we'll be boys!_

"You're never gonna get guys." Mince taunted, which caused Nino to pass out.

"

"Man, Lucia! You were really good! How'd ya do that?" Rika asked.

"I knocked him out and won the battle." Lucia said coldly.

"Seriously?" Rika asked.

"Yep." Lucia replied dryly.

The TV across from them went on. "ATTENTION, ATTENTION! IS THIS THING EVEN ON?" A voice asked.

"Contact! It's fine!"

"There is a special announcement from the Viceroy of Arena 11, Princess Clover la Briticism!" A woman said, then the princess came on.

"La la la la, is there enough makeup on my beautiful face?" Princess Clover asked, her voice dripping with arrogance and narcissism. "Um, does anyone know where I put my hairbrush?"

"Um, your Highness, we're running the camera now." A reporter said nervously.

"Oh, sorry! I got carried away! Hello, I am the Viceroy, Princess Clover. My favorite subjects are me, myself, mine, and I!"

"Hem, important discussion, please?"

"All right, the terrorists have struck again, killing more innocent people. But really, how many _innocent people _are there in this series? None. Let's forget about the other fifty-six people who died and pretend only eight did, because they're more important. I will not stand back and do nothing! Instead, you guys will kill more people! I will make sure that I will go to the terrorists, and not only will they give me makeup, but I'll send them enormous bills! That will make them go into debt! Fear me!" She exclaimed, laughing insanely. "Hold a moment of silence."

Both of them stared at the screen.

"Well? Aren't you going to do a moment of silence?" Rika asked.

"..."

"Lucia?"

"..."

"Lucia?"

"..."

"LUCIA, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

"Being silent, you idiot." Lucia spat. "I hate that idiot. Clover was a dolt when I first met her, too."

"You know a princess?"

"Of course not. Why would I be involved with nobility?" Lucia said, and Rika shut up immediately upon seeing her glare.

"Why are you reading a book while we're driving a motorcycle, anyway?" Rika asked.

"It's a really, really, interesting book. Want to know what it is?" Lucia asked coldly.

"Don't tell me! It's that book about the vampire and the ordinary girl who meets him! I love that book!"

"No, it's not garbage that's poorly written. Instead, it's a book on Nietzsche."

"Huh. I never knew you were into philosophy." She remarked.

"Kind of. Sort of. Now shut up. I'm trying to act angsty now." Lucia shrieked.

"You are an emo princess, aren't you? Or is it just PMS?" Rika asked.

"Rika, either shut up or else I'm putting you in a body bag." Lucia snapped.

Rika was silent the rest of the way, until they were nearly hit by a truck.

"Get out of the way, we're trying to drag race!" The owner of the truck screeched.

Rika stared at them. "Geez...those men are drag-racing."

"Gee, why didn't you call the cops? Doesn't common sense occur in your mind, Rika?" Lucia said sarcastically.

"No, I was just thinking...that man is so...attractive." Rika gushed.

Lucia smacked her forehead. Why did she put up with this numbskull? "This is why I'm not letting you near Neddy." She said.

"By the way, Shiny was asking about you."

"He was?" Lucia said, looking up. She wasn't really interested in Shiny anyway. They were only friends.

"You're going the wrong way!" A boy wearing a hat shrieked at the other occupant, who also happened to be a man. "The evil villain is that way!"

"The evil villain?" The other man questioned.

"Yes! They went into that construction site! Let's go there!"

"Okay...you are so imaginative, Collin." Nagata said.

"Why do you think? I spend all of my time playing Halo!" Collin cried, lifting off his hat to reveal his hair, which was spiked.

"What's with the hair?"

"Nothing. Let's go fight the forces of evil!" Collin cried.

"Oh, look, it's a bunch of people being held prisoner by the villain!"

"Oh, look. I think those terrorists are high." Rika drawled.

"I'm gonna go help, anyhow." Lucia said.

"Wait, Lucia! You could get killed!"

* * *

><p>Lucia Lamborghini=Lelouch Lamperouge<p>

Suzie Kururuma=Suzaku Kururugi

Neddy Lamperouge=Nunnally Lamperouge

Shiny Fenestra=Shirley Fenette

Collin Standingfield or Kozueki=Kallen Stadtfeld/Kouzuki

Rika Cardigan=Rivalz Cardemonde

Mince Ashtray=Milly Ashford.

Nino Eightball=Nina Einstein

Eucatastrophe li Briticism=Euphemia

Cornelius=Cornelia.

Clover-Clovis.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:Don't own anything except my parody. And the OC's warped personalities. And my sense of humor. **

**Chapter 2 The power of Geese**

Rika stared after the retreating figure of her emo, dark-haired friend, who had just sprinted off to go help a bunch of stoned drivers who had just crashed a truck. Despite the fact that they were stoned, and as such could be deranged or dangerous-or that they might shoot and kill Lucia on the spot, she still decided to go help. Was Lucia really as depressed as she seemed? Or was she secretly an optimist who wanted to help everyone in as many ways as she could?

"Maybe she's going to become a rebel against Briticisms, take over the world, and try to utterly destroy us." Rika muttered to herself, then shrugged that off. The odds of Lucia doing that...were about as likely as lightning striking her while she tried to fix her stupid motorcycle. Impossible stuff like that could never happen, right?

Then, a sudden flash of lightning came down and zapped Rika, who screamed. "AHHHHHHHHH!" She felt like her bones were melting, and now she was dying...oh, wait, no she wasn't. "Who's going to save Lucia?"

"Better yet, who's going to save _you?" _A random observer pointed out. Somehow, this mysterious person Rika had never met before was right. It was almost like they knew what was going to happen...were they perhaps...the gods...or else?

"Hey, are you the writer?" Rika challenged, getting back up on her feet, despite the fact that she had been struck by a bolt of lightning several moments before. Kids, please don't be as stupid as Rika-because stupidity hurts. Just sit at home and watch this, please. Thank you.

"Perhaps I am. Perhaps I'm not." The writer said, throwing a cloak on over himself, and a hat on over his eyes. No, there is not a monocle that will go on said writer's eye. This is Code Geass, not a story about a boy who steals jewels and returns them! "What is it you seek from me?"

Rika stared. Here was the one person she could talk to about anything...anything at all. Inside her heart, there was one question that had always lain imprisoned, but now she felt it come out of her at full speed. "Umm...am I going to end up with anyone...like Mince Ashtray?" She asked.

The writer...no, er...the mysterious, shadowy man blinked. "I'm not really supposed to be here. I've broken too many rules already. First, you're not supposed to be aware that this is fiction. Second, I cannot interact with my characters. I fear I may be seen and...become a nonperson." He said ambiguously, casting a wary glance over his shoulders.

"What do you mean?" Rika asked, but he was gone. There was a piece of paper near where the writer had previously been. Rika picked up the paper and read over it. By the time she finished, her face was as red as a tomato.

"HOW DARE YOU TALK DOWN TO ME LIKE THAT!"

The note read:

_You are my least favorite chara, so PLEASE behave in the story. P.S. I know your birthday, and your cat's name, _

"STALKER!"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, in one of the most evil ghettoes ever to come into fruition, the brave warrior Collin Kozueki was regaining consciousness after being attacked by the evil Nakunatta and his army of giant robots with My Little Ponies at the helms. Yes. My Little Ponies. Take it as it is.<p>

"Where's that evil monster from earlier?" He groaned. "Damn monster. You haven't seen the last from me." He hissed, imitating his favorite quote from a movie he liked to watch a lot. Collin tended to watch a lot of movies, so much that he possibly couldn't distinguish the movie world from the real world. "Of course I can tell what's real, and what's not!" He exclaimed, enraged at the author's portrayal of him.

There was a sudden noise. Collin jumped back, and picked up a random gun, and aimed it in all directions, firing randomly and haphazardly. "IDENTIFY YOURSELF!" He barked. "WHICH SECTION OF THE ARMY ARE YOU IN?"

"Nagata...your partner." The voice groaned.

"Anyone can imitate my partner! What's your favorite ice cream flavor?" Collin questioned.

"Nagata...whose favorite flavor is a Neapolitan ice cream with peanut butter and rotten eggs mixed in. Who also happens to have more brain molecules than you, since you drained them all through playing Halo!" He hissed, getting up from the seat where he had been hiding.

"Why were you hiding?" Collin questioned.

"The military is coming after us, idiot! Since we stole that poison gas!" Nagata yelled.

"Geez, you don't have to yell! Why would they come after us? We're heroes!" Collin retorted. "I am the mighty...Q-1, and you...are my sidekick, Nakimushi." He said, sticking his tongue out at Nagata.

"Why do I get such a dorky name? I'm not a crybaby!" Nagata yelped.

"Oh, yeah? How about the time you bawled after we watched Titanic together?" Collin asserted.

* * *

><p><em>God, what a bunch of idiots. <em>

Lucia thought these harsh and unrelenting words as she sat in the back of the truck. Somehow, she had been unseen by the two idiots up in front, though she had used their bickering to her advantage! _Is this a mail truck? It certainly doesn't look like one...hey, a cell phone!" _Her eyes lit up as she went over to the small object that was lying on the ground. "Does it play Tetris?"

She turned it on, and suddenly a loud sound could be heard, and then a cat appeared on the screen, meowing happily as rainbows shot out from behind it. Its body was like that of a toaster strudel. For a few moments, Lucia was dumbstruck. Then, she spoke. "I've been Nyanrolled!" She screamed.

"Did you hear someone screaming back there?" Nagata questioned.

"What did you say?"

Nagata frowned. "I said, did you hear someone scream?"

"What?"

"TURN DOWN YOUR I-POD FOR A SECOND!" Nagata screamed, pulling Collin up by the lapel. "Stop listening to metal and help me!"

Collin glared at him. "Was it...a redead? If so, then I need to have my machine gun!" He hissed.

"You don't _have _a machine gun, Collin. Lay off of the drugs-er, video games for once. We're trapped in a deep, dank, dark place right now." Nagata said harshly.

"We're in our basement?"

"No..."

"A cave?"

"YOU ARE A COMPLETE IMBECILE! WE ARE STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!" Nagata screamed.

* * *

><p>Lucia had enough of their insanity. "Shut up, or else I'll release...the gas!"<p>

"No, don't use your flatulation, Tamaki! It kills everyone it comes in contact with-wait a second, you sound like a...GIRL!" Collin said aloud.

"Wow, you sure are a genius, aren't you?" A sarcastic voice remarked. Both of them turned around to see a tall, lanky, dark-haired girl step out of the shadows. Her purple eyes were full of irritation as she studied both of them. "Will you two stop bickering?"

"Who are you?" Collin demanded. "You must be one of the Briticist's soldiers! We will never give in!" He exclaimed, pointing a finger at Lucia. "BELIEVE I-"

"Don't. You. Ever. Say. That. Inane. Line. Again." Lucia muttered dangerously, grabbing him by the throat. "I'll throttle you if you do, and then cut up your body and hide it where it can never be found." She hissed.

Nagata stood up, despite the bleeding shoulder he had. "A piece of glass cut me badly, Collin. Girl, I need your help." He said, motioning to Lucia. "See that can back there? We stole it because we thought it had some nice weed in it."

"...You've got to be kidding me." Lucia said, her face falling. These idiots were terrorists? Could this day get any worse?

Suddenly, the back of the truck opened up, and a single Storm Trooper snuck in not so quietly. "Super sneaky attack! I'm here to defeat you!" It shouted. "Go go, Storm Rangers! Mighty forces, storm rangers!" It screamed.

"Sic him." Lucia said, and Collin glared at her. "Either sic him, or else your HALO games will go up in smoke." She threatened, whipping out a match from her pocket. She had everything in her pockets, because Lucia is a genius. A suicidal genius, perhaps, but a genius nonetheless. Fortunately, her little brother complex made up for her jerkass nature towards everyone else.

"Sure!" Collin cried, and pounced on the Storm Trooper, who was no match for the invincible Collin. "Yes, I leveled up! Am I going to evolve now?"

"Get your head out of your video-game loving ass, Q-1. We've just apprehended a potential suspect." Lucia said, turning towards the Storm trooper, who was tied up. "You look like a poor cosplay attempt to do a Storm Trooper."

"Well, sorry! It was the only thing they had out for Halloween now!" A female voice protested. The figure ripped their helmet off and threw it to the ground. "I don't think Brittube really offers good discount prices on costumes-wait a second, are you...Lucia?" The female uttered.

"Are you...?" Lucia asked. Herein emerges a dramatic plot twist!

"Possibly?" The girl chimed in.

"The slowest...?" Collin joined in.

"People...to finish...a conversation...for the sake...of being...dramatic?" Nagata interjected.

"Lucia?"

"Susan?" Lucia uttered, staring at the brown-haired girl, who was staring at her in total shock.

"I thought I told you...NOT TO CALL ME THAT! Suzie is what we agreed on, okay?" Suzie yelled, getting up and knocking Lucia to the ground.

"Great, is someone going to throw a short rant?" Lucia asked. "You know I'm much taller than you." She said, smirking and getting back up on her feet. Then, a brilliant light overtook their vision.

"AHHHHHH! IT BURNS MY EYES!"

"PRETTY, PRETTY! SHINY, SHINY!"

"I SEE THE LIGHT, MAMA! THE LIGHT!"

"HOLY CRAP, WHAT IS THAT?"

* * *

><p>The last one came from Suzie, as a girl with long green hair came flying out of the tin can. "Is that you, Oscar? Or are you a transgender now?" She asked.<p>

BAM!

Several seconds later, Suzie regained consciousness from the strength of Lucia's punch.

"God, have you never looked in a mirror your entire life? It's a girl, you baka. What both of us are." Lucia huffed.

"You do have PMS..." Suzie muttered.

"What was that...?" Lucia threatened.

"N-Nothing at all, My Lady." Suzie said, bowing.

"WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER?"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:Hello, readers! It is time for more of Code Geese. **

**Chapter 3 The day a new demon croaked **

* * *

><p>Collin stared at the raven-haired girl in front of her for a few moments. Then, his suspicions overtook his trust in this girl. "I believe...you're a redead! So...<em>die<em>!" He cried, pulling out a gun from seemingly nowhere. This was due to a magical ability characters have called deus ex machina. However, there was also a magical ability that men specifically had: the ability to think that they could do anything, and if they failed, to blame it on a woman. This was called deus ex machismo.

Collin also had this ability. Yes, he does. Believe whatever the author tells you, because it is absoultely right!

Lucia only blinked momentarily at the firearm pointing right at her. She noticed a tag on the gun. "_Made in the Chinese Federation." _She sweatdropped. "That's a toy you're holding." She remarked caustically.

"Shut up! I don't care what you say! Don't make fun of my gun! Actually, I _do care_..." He whimpered, his bottom lip trembling. He looked like a hurt child who had had his toy taken from him. He looked like he was actually starting to cry.

Nagata, er...Nagai, gasped when he saw his partner starting to cry. "Don't let him cry! He'll become an evil monster if he does so!" He screamed, grabbing Lucia and shaking her. In the process, he accidentally groped her chest. "Man...you're flat. Almost like a guy." He joked.

At that exact second, Lucia went all out on him. She took Collin's toy gun from him and started to whack Nagata on the head with it furiously. "Take that, and that! Do not mock my flat chest!" She screamed, suddenly seeming very much like a certain green-haired girl from a show we shall not name.

_(A/N:A cookie if you can guess who that character is and what show she is from!) _

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><p>Suzie and the greenette stared at her. "There goes her PMS rage again. I knew it was that time of the month." She remarked matter-of-factly to the girl tied up, who only stared at her like she was mad. Though, people tended to look at Suzie like that often...especially when she talked to random people on the street about her favorite thing in the world...no, she did <em>not <em>collect stamps. Nor did she hoard books or random pieces of people's fingernails. She had a bizarre obsession with...cats.

She pulled out a small cat plushie from her pocket, and hugged it. However, she had forgotten that the "plushie" was a real cat, and it dug its nails into her shoulder. Then she screamed so loudly that even Mars and Jupiter could hear her resounding screams of terror.

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><p>In the Holy Empire of Briticisms<p>

It was a normal, peaceful day in the Briticisms Empire. Kill, destroy, conquer others in chess, kill, gossip, gossip, and did I mention gossip? That was most of what the royals in the crazy-as-hell family spent their time doing, and they could get away with it, since they had money. Yes, kids. You can get away with anything if you have money, and gummy bears. Yes, gummy bears are the one ticket to a free haven.

Euchie li Briticisms was busy collecting flowers, because his mother wanted him to act more like a girl. He was playing with his favorite toy, Mr. Bear. The bear also happened to be able to talk to him, according to his therapist. Either the bear talks, or the kid is on acid. Your choice.

"Yay, Euchie! We is going to have so much fun today! By taking over the world!" Mr. Bear exclaimed. Yes, Mr. Bear can talk, float in mid-air, and also rap...backwards. You heard it. Though, no one but Euchie could hear or see Mr. Bear. For you see, Mr. Bear, is an imaginary friend.

No, this invisible friend is not prone to stalking its friends who suffer from bouts of insanity. Instead, this one is an apocalyptic-er, apologetic...er, maybe _apopleptic_ would be a better term. Mr. Bear had a tendency to suffer from random cases of Tourettes...though Euchie's older brother Cornelius li Briticism certainly had a bad habit of this as well.

"That's right!" Eucatastrophe li Briticism exclaimed. "We love taking over the world!"

"You have to invite me first." His brother, Cornelius, interjected, coming in and patting the younger boy on the head. "Your hair color is too girly for your gender. Pink does not befit a boy."

"Nor does purple!" Euchie argued back. "I advise you to go and get a bottle of hair dye, and dye yours bright green!" He snapped.

"What...did you say?" Cornelius muttered in a low voice.

"I said...to dye your stupid hair green." Euchie responded.

"Let's quiet down now. My favorite show's on now." Princess Schnitzel el Briticism uttered, manicuring her nails, which were perfectly shiny. "You're not doing it fast enough, Cannon!" She snapped at the brown-haired girl who cowered underneath her.

She was watching a series called "The Britannian Bunch." There were a whole bunch of glamorous royal types on the show who never really did anything but laugh and joke around with each other.

"You're stupid." Carl le Briticism exclaimed, fighting with her elder brother, Cassius "Claypot" le Briticism. "I had that Halo game first, and now you stole it!" He protested, pointing a finger at him.

"Please be quiet. You're scaring Mr. Bear." Euchie advised, suddenly the pinnacle of wisdom in the family squabble. "After all, Mr. Bear told me to tell you-"

"No one cares." Carl cut in viciously. "After all, that bear is fake." She snapped.

Cannon was about to say something, but then they all heard a loud scream come emanating from somewhere. All of them jumped. "What was that?" Cannon snapped.

"It sounded like someone screaming their heads off at something that utterly terrified them to death." Eucatastrophe remarked dully, as though this were a daily routine.

"What?" Carl uttered in shock, thoroughly flabbergasted by his brother's sudden change in behavior.

"Never mind." Euchie exclaimed, running out of the room.

"He's weird at times." Carl remarked to Schnitzel.

"SHH! MY SHOW IS ON!" Schnitzel yelped.

"Geez, you don't have to be so picky about it." Carl huffed. "It's just a TV show after all!" She exclaimed.

Meanwhile...

* * *

><p>Our courageous heroes, Lucia Lamperouge, the delusional but brave Collin Kozueki, and the annoying, scrappy-ish caricature Suzie Kururuma were all trying to get out of the evil one's lair. They were all trapped in the jaws of the enemy and they couldn't figure out what to do. So they ran and ran like crazy. That was their motto, to always show cowardice and somehow they would escape.<p>

"WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER?" The loud voices muttered.

"Sorry, Mr. Monster. You and your drinking buddies can all go back to sleep." Nagai joked, but that turned out to be the wrong comment to say, because then a gunshot rang out, and Nagai was the first chara to go up to heaven. He frowned at his halo. "DAMN AUTHOR!"

Somewhere, the Break-the-Fourth-Wall police were on their way to arrest yet another infringer of the law. Too many characters that break the wall, and so little time...it sucks being a police officer. Too many donuts and coffee and too little time to drink it all...

"We are not monsters! We merely went over the law a bit-officer, wait a second...you guys are terrorists, aren't you?" A male voice boomed loudly, and then suddenly a bright light flashed on.

"GOD, IS THAT YOU?"

"PRETTY, PRETTY, SHINY, SHINY!"

"STOP SHOUTING MORONIC THINGS!"

The last one was Lucia, the calm, level-headed girl who also tended to lose her temper easily. This was why besides being known as Lucy, she was also known as Lucy the Tempernator. You never knew when that smile would become evil, so everyone at Ashtray Academy did their utmost to never offend Lucia, or say mean things about her beloved brother Neddy...because then her eternal wrath would face them.

Both Nagai and Collin cast scared glances at her. "She's like a demon in human form." Nagai whispered.

"What was that?" Lucia hissed, steam rising from her ears. You never wanted to anger Lucia.

"Big mistake to offend Lucia. You'll never hear the end of it." Suzie exclaimed, shaking slightly herself. She hated it when Lucia became mad, because then she became the Hulkess! Not literally.

Before Lucia could reply, the angry soldiers approached. These soldiers were nothing short of monsters. They were known as Briticism's Ass-kicking Soldiers That Act Retarded. (BASTARD's for short.) Charisma zi Briticism was quite fond of curse words, which made the rest of her family recoil in terror, except for Carline le Briticism and her crazy side of the family. The less mentioned about the craziest members of the family, the better. No one wanted to remember the corn incident.

The leader of the BASTARD's approached. He had black hair and a scar on his face that vaguely resembled the trademark of a noted Briticist company. Maybe he was a personal fan of the company, or tried to iron a scar on himself. The possibilities are endless. "Why are you kids down here?" He growled.

Lucia frowned at the impending man in front of her. "Who the hell are you?" She growled. Lucia was in no mood to be scolded by adults, and the fact that it was a Briticist soldier only made matters worse. She was already angry enough as it was.

Sadly, fate hates Lucia Vi Briticism-er, Lucia Lamborghini. Scarface spoke up then. "Watch it, girl. What are you doing here, anyway?" He asked harshly. His eyes lit up slightly. "You're cute...you know."

Lucia glared at him and Nagai and Collin approached warily. "I have backup! I have captured these live...idiots."

"Hey! We're not idiots!" Collin cried in offense.

"You don't look that smart. What's seven plus five?" Scarface inquired harshly.

"Umm...eleven?" Collin guessed, scratching his red hair.

"I knew it. You are stupid. Must be all the video games. Anyhow, that girl...is our secret prostit-er, project!" Scarface declared, and a whole bunch of disposable unimportant soldiers filed in line behind him.

"Why the hell would you keep a girl in a trash can? That sounds so stupid that it's not even funny." Suzie remarked sarcastically.

"Suzie Kururuma! Before we make fun of your dorky last name, let me ask you this. Did you join the Briticist army in order to help the nation conquer more innocent nations through violence and intimidation, or did you join merely to watch anime and talk about it with your friends? Choose your answer carefully." Scarface scolded.

Suzie pondered over that a minute. "That's tough. I like both, but I have to say...conquering innocent nations through violen-"

"WRONG!" Scarface screamed, and a bang went off. He had just thrown a pot from out of nowhere and it hit Suzie in the face, causing her to pass out. "You little idiot! We fight for anime, and anime only! Screw the other nations, they don't matter? What kind of attitude is that, dammit? We're here to spread the joy of anime to everyone in the world!"

"That's...Japanese, you know. Aren't you supposed to be against that kind of thing?" Lucia pointed out. "It is a contradiction, you know."

"Shut up, you annoying little brat!" The soldier snapped, and threw a pot at her face, but it hit the girl with green hair instead, which caused her to fall over, dead. "Whoops. I believe I hit her too hard."

He shrugged absent-mindedly. "Ah, well. Are you a fan of anime?"

"No. I hate it." Lucia responded. "It's annoying, repetitive, geared towards preteen girls, violent, pornographic-"

BANG! The soldier threw a toilet seat this time, but Lucia was ready. She dodged.

"Is that all you can do?" She taunted.

5 seconds later...

"Stop it!" she cried. "Don't even go there! You can't do this to me! Don't do it to me!" She screamed. Is she being tortured? Yes. Raped? No.

"You will watch all of the great Gaiwand, even if you hate it!" The soldiers exclaimed. "In subbed, preferably."

"NO WAY IN HELL!" She screamed.

Collin raised a hand. "Can I interject? What's anime?"

"Are you living under a rock? Have you lost your mind?" The soldier screamed, then fired a pot his way. Collin hit him so hard that he fell unconscious.

Lucia screamed. Suddenly, the girl grabbed his hand. "AHH! ZOMBIE!" She screamed. Lucia had a tendency to overreact, like we said before. "How'd you come back to life?"

* * *

><p>"<em>You idiot. I'm immortal." <em>

_"Immoral? Is that why you were in that trash can?" Lucia questioned. _

_"No, I'm __**immortal. **__There's a huge difference. I can grant your wish. Do you want to have power?" _

_Lucia's eyes widened. "What do you mean?" She asked stupidly. _

_"You moron. Do you want power or not?" _

_"Why are you naked?" Lucia asked, pointing at the zombie girl, who was indeed au naturel. She tried to look away, since she was definitely not into girls. _

_"It's part of the contract. Now, hold still." The girl muttered, and she came closer to Lucia, who backed away in fear. _

_"NO! DON'T TOUCH MY MONOPOLY PIECE!" She exclaimed. _

_"What monopoly piece?" She asked curiously. Then, she felt a burning pain in her eye. _

Collin stared at the girl who was now on the ground. "Is she high?"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:Yes, I changed the name of the story, because it's intended to be a satire. **

**Chapter 4 **

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><p>Meanwhile, the students at the proud, noble Ashtray Academy were busy doing the usual thing-er, they would <em>have<em> been, had it not been for the abrupt change in pace that suddenly seemed to have taken over their school. The principal, Rubicon Ashtray, was committed to helping students see their place in the world as inferior, worthless people who would never get a job except by shining people's feet, helping them spread fear and evil over the world, and by eating gummi bears. Surprisingly, Mr. Ashtray was never a smoker, and he was the head of an anti-smoking committee, which was quite popular right now. Rubicon had received news from Empress Charisma that two of her royal (in other words, spoiled, rotten brats) children were to come over and give a talk to the students about...**anime** and how important it was to the mentality of the human race.

Rubicon paced back and forth in his office, staring at two things he was holding in his hands. The first was a letter from Lucia Lamborghini stating that she and some weird people were trapped in the middle of nowhere and needed help. They mentioned being attacked by Briticist soldiers and anime fans attacking them with toilets. The second was an ad for The Japan Lamination Front, a noteworthy Japanese terrorist group that operated by using their high prices in their stores in order to wage battle against the evil Briticist Empire, which was communist and believed in an economy where everyone shared everything, however no one shared equal rights in this kind of empire. The Briticists got everything, but that was how the world worked, according to Rubicon.

As for the Lamborghini family, he had always liked their father, Marinara vi Briticism. No, not in the perverted sense, you creepy weirdoes who may be reading this might think. Marinara was a decent man who respected everyone, except for telemarketers, noblewomen who acted too arrogant, and advertisers. He was an odd fellow who would sometimes retreat into his house for long periods of time and then if one walked in, they would find red all over the floor and realize that he had tried to reach for the bottle of wine up on the top shelf without using a ladder and only using a step-stool. But since he had been very short, he had never been very successful at those kinds of endeavors, however he was very sensitive about his height, and if anyone dare point it out to him, he would kick their asses to Hell and back.

Lucia, on the other hand, was a different story. She was exactly like her mother in so many ways. Both of them shared a mutual hatred for mailmen, each other, BritTube, FecesBook, and all other idiotic websites that you could waste hours, no years on. There had been family members who had died of computer exposure. Such as Claude Possessius Es Stupidest Name Everus III Briticism, their great-great-great-awesome-cool-sweet-funny-great-grandfather who had been six-hundred-and-sixty six when he had died a year ago from excessive Fecesbook related disorders. Apparently, he had played one too many Fartville games and had died of intestinal blockage upon trying to come up with the longest fart ever.

She was the epitome of her mother-sarcastic, rude, snide, arrogant, and obnoxious-and yet half the boys in the school (and some girls as well) were in love with her. He couldn't see why. She was definitely not a good role model-she spent half her time skipping school, her friend Rika was creepy and tried to hit on everyone she met...you get the picture. Rubicon Ashtray was not a very nice man as you can clearly see. He also stole lollipops from children, took student's gameboys and their pictures, and forced them to eat healthy, good foods instead of great foods like Crop-Darts and Alien Airheads. Surely that made him really popular with the students.

His grandson, Mince "Minccino" Ashtray was even more hated by the students of Ashtray Academy because he was the head of the Student Council-and therefore, was permitted to control every action the school took at any given time through his status and his evil mind-control powers. So that meant he could set the school's student curriculum to be about absoutely anything-from toy robots to porn and he could get away with it because he was the principal's grandson-and no one liked to argue with Rubicon Ashtray. It was with great reluctance that the students were attending this boring ceremony, because the rulers of the world, the Briticist Royal Family were coming here! Shouldn't everyone be happy? The answer is plain and simple: no. No one was happy when Lucia wasn't around, even though she scared the hell out of them.

* * *

><p>Shiny Fenestra sat in his chair in the front row, already attempting to hit on some other girls other than Lucia (usually he struck with his rubber band of doom), but that never worked out very well for poor Shiny. He had never gotten any women in his life, with the exception of his one true love, Lucia Lamborghini, the beautiful, amazing, evil, and downright malicious girl who attended his school. It was a known fact that the girl seemed to be evil and crazy, or maybe just crazy. No one dared insult her pet brother, Neddy, because then the demon from hell known as Lucia would rain down upon them. "Where is she?" He asked himself, but apparently he spoke too loud.<p>

"Shh! I'm trying to read my yuri magazine!" Nino Eightball cried from beside him before turning back to his magazine and flipping through the pages. Mince was right beside him, looking quite amused. Both of them were known perverts so no one paid them any mind.

Neddy was beside them, waiting for Lucia and her friends to come back.

* * *

><p>The door burst open, and a whole bunch of storm troopers came flying in on motorcycles. "GO GO STORM RANGERS! MIGHTY FORCES STORM RANGERS!" They chanted, and then the motorcycles stopped and four people stepped out, all wearing helmets on over their faces. "Did we miss the show?" A female voice uttered, sounding cool and relieved. That voice was quite familiar to Shiny.<p>

"Rika, is that you?" Shiny called out.

The first took off their helmet, revealing long blue locks that traveled down past their shoulders and gleaming gray eyes. The second one took off his helmet, revealing a boy with spiky red hair and brilliant blue eyes. The next dismounted and took off theirs, revealing a girl with curly brown hair and green eyes, carrying a small bundle in their arms. Then, the final one came in, wearing a leather jacket, with a pair of black gloves, black shades, and a pair of high-heeled boots. She, too was wearing a mask.

"We are...the Storm Rangers! I am...Rika " Young Blue eyes" ! This is Collin "Simply Red" and she is Suzie "Green Apple"! The other two are Nagai "The Boring" and...their leader!" Rika announced dramatically.

The figure stepped in front of the astonished crowd. "I am...Cheerio. And these are my Serial Bites." She exclaimed, putting one arm out for emphasis. "We are not merely jokesters. We are here to bring about justice for the people of Arena 11 and all their children who eat junk food. We must give our people better cereal and justice!"

"Doesn't that sound like Lucia?" Shiny asked, but no one believed him anyway. Everyone was awed by this mysterious person called Cheerio. Whoever she was, she had talent and dramatic flair. That much was certain, but this crazy person would have to be escorted out of here whenever the two royal children came in.

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><p>"Announcing his Highnesses: The Third and Second Princes of the Holy Briticist Empire! Prince Cornelius li Briticism and Prince Eucatastrophe li Briticism! They are here to give a speech on how great anime is and how important it is to the-"<p>

"WE ALREADY KNOW THAT, MR. ASHTRAY, SIR!" A large portion of the audience exclaimed.

"Settle down, you lot." Cornelius commanded. "Now, who here likes anime?"

Half the people in the room raised their hand, including Nino, Rika, Nagai, Suzie, Neddy, and Mince. Shiny and Collin had never even heard of the term before, more less seen a show about it and merely shrugged. Lucia (Cheerio) shrugged her shoulders and started whistling the theme song to "Storm Rangers." Cornelius heard and shook his head at Cheerio, who rolled her eyes inside the mask and started to moonwalk, causing half the class to laugh.

Eucatastrophe watched the masked woman in interest. He wondered just who the masked figure was. "Who are you, masked one?" He cried out, clutching his Rainbow Dash plushie against his sides.

"I am...Cheerio. The savior of cereal all around the globe, the one who will bring about justice for your children and proper nutrition for both Briticists and Elevens-Er, Japanese!" Cheerio proclaimed, causing half the students in the audience to gasp.

"That is heretical thinking, masked one!" Cornelius exclaimed, drawing out his sword. "Perhaps we should duel one another?"

Cheerio shook her head. "No...I don't believe in using crappy instruments like that. Instead, I find milk is far more effective as a weapon." She opened a bag of cheerios and threw some at Cornelius's head. Eucatastrophe immediately ran over and started picking them up and placing them in his mouth while the crowd watched in disgusted silence. However, Mince had become greatly entertained by this and started to snap pictures of the entire spectacle.

"Order in the auditorium, please." Rubicon begged, hoping that Charisma herself wouldn't attend and see all this mess and anarchy.

"I shall now take my leave, with the rest of my posse." Cheerio announced, and strode over to her motorcycle and got in. The rest all put their helmets on and got on as well. Collin decided to leave Cornelius a parting gift, so he threw a poke ball at his head. "Damn! I missed! That's one tough Pokemon!"

"I AM NOT A POKEMON! ARE YOU ASSUMING THIS BECAUSE OF MY HAIR COLOR!" Cornelius screamed.

"Go! Buizel!" He cried, throwing a ball and an orange creature came flying out of it. "Bui..." It uttered, and upon seeing Cornelius, it turned and sprayed him with a "Water Gun", and then it used a "Quick Attack" on Rubicon himself and sent him flying towards Euchie.

"LOOKS LIKE TEAM BRITICIST IS CRASHING AWAY !" They screamed, and then no one ever heard from them again.

* * *

><p>The students at Ashtray Academy then hosted a party for the remainder of the day, and Lucia eventually turned up, covered in sweat and grime. No one asked any questions as to where she'd been, except Mince himself, who offered her a Pepsi. "What've you been up to, babe?" He inquired.<p>

"Out kicking ass. You?" She uttered, but upon seeing his jaw drop ten feet, she sighed. "I was joking. I went out and kicked some noblemen's asses in chess and later got stuck in the highway in an hourlong traffic jam that took absolutely forever. Rika kept on hitting on people until one man couldn't take it anymore and knocked her out. Then those Serial Bites people showed up and rescued us and took us back here. They all disappeared shortly afterwards."

"Wow, Lucy. Seems you've seen a lot of action today." Shiny announced, before strutting up to the teenage girl and spinning his top around. Do not ask where he got the top. He found it in a remote warehouse in the middle of nowhere. It was abandoned and it was a supposed cursed top. Shiny didn't believe in curses, but ever since he had picked it up, weird stuff started happening in his house. For example, his uncle would constantly disappear and reappear, his grandmother would beat him up with a rolling pin, and Shiny would go crazy and scream about anything at all.

"STUPID SHINY, YOU MAKE ME LOOK BAD! OOGABOOGABOOGA!" Mince cried, finding a mask out of seemingly nowhere and putting it on his face. Shiny screamed and jumped four feet in the air, his top falling to the ground. His shoes fell down as well and his pants happened to follow suit, leaving his boxers exposed to everyone. Everyone laughed except for Lucia, who sighed and extended a hand to him.

"Next time, remember to wear a belt." She uttered.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:I think the Serial Bites is a corny name, but hey it gets the point across. **

**Chapter 5 The Serial Bites live **

* * *

><p>"Damn that <em>stupid, disgusting, <em>Cheerio! Thanks to her, we couldn't even get the kids to even listen to our stupid speech about anime! I don't even like anime in the first place..." Cornelius li Briticism ranted (to no one in particular). Everyone he had run into on his way back to the palace had immediately decided to go in a different direction due to his evil glares of doom. Today, he happened to be in a male PMS mood, so everyone-including Euchie/Yuki/whatever the hell his nickname is/ decided to give him some space.

Cornelius loved being alone and talking to himself. No one else in the world truly understood him besides his pet dinosaur, Barry. His pet dinosaur was really just an inanimate dinosaur on a red leash, but to him it was real. Barry stood up in front of him and started to talk. "_You shouldn't have done that, Cornelius! You got cut out of the next chapter because Cheerio upstaged you and now suddenly we have to show you angsting!" _

"I know, I know what a horrible person I am. Everyone on the street certainly reminded me very well. Especially that mean man who said I was a clown. He then said even Kakarot looked better than I did. I started crying all over the place then..." Cornelius trailed off, but stopped upon seeing Barry stare at him with wide eyes. In reality, the dinosaur probably just sat there, doing what an inanimate object is supposed to do.

"_Oh, no! You're not supposed to do that, Corny! You're supposed to come to Barry the dinosaur for help! I look like a canary, I like eating cherries, I love listening to Katie Perry, I am quite contrary..." _Suddenly the demonic dinosaur started rhyming a demented song, and Cornelius flinched.

"Stop it! Stop it right now!" He cried. Suddenly, at the _worst moment possible, _the door burst open and Princess Clover came waltzing in, wearing a polka-dot dress that was coated with paint and wearing high heels that were so high they covered her entire leg-no, wait that was her skirt. Her makeup was all over her face.

"Have you seen my makeup anywhere, Prince Cloying? I need-what is going on in here? Are you playing with a _toy, _Cornelius? The Hick of Briticism is engaged in infantile behavior? What a laugh this is! Bring in the reporters, Buckteeth!" She screeched at a small man, who cringed in terror and ran down the hallway as fast as he could in order to bring the reporters.

Suddenly, Euchie came racing in, holding a bunch of My Little Pony figures in both of his hands. "I found these in a garbage dump! Can I keep them all, Big Brother? Pleaseeee..." He pleaded.

"No." Cornelius said sharply. "Now put those away and take out your skateboard!"

"I hate skateboards! I was just playing with an Elven boy down the street, and he wanted to see some of these toys of mine!" Euchie exclaimed, oblivious to the look the adults were now wearing on their faces.

"Oh, no, Eucatastrophe, darling...what else did he put into your mind?" Clover asked in concern, coming over to his side in order to see him, but then she tripped and fell over the high heels she was wearing and crashed into Cornelius's prize set of Lincoln Logs, which tumbled out and then crashed into Euchie's prize set of Brassie dolls...the entire world ended thanks to poor, darling, ditzy doofus Clover. Even Derpy Hooves probably had more of a brain in her mind.

"Oh, dear...I'm so sorry! I did not mean to do that...oh, no, my makeup is all smeared! I can't let the press know that it's not really makeup and just residue from the shaving cream I was using earlier-"

Cornelius stared at her and started laughing. "You need to look at yourself in the mirror..."

"I already do, sweetie pie! We look in it altogether, thirty-three times a day! But I still never look right!" Clover said, wondering why someone as beautiful and awesome as herself could have so many flaws.

"No, I'm serious. There's stuff in your hair, stuff all over the carpet...it looks like...MILK?" Cornelius gasped as a realization came to him then. That was no accident that she had tripped and fallen over herself. Obviously, this wasn't the real Clover.

"You're an imposter, aren't you?" Cornelius deduced.

"How did you figure it out?" The voice, which now sounded more like a male said, before removing the high heels and taking off the skirt to reveal ordinary jeans underneath, along with the smell of sweat, dandruff, and excess sugar. Wait, what? Who was this man?

A boy with spiky red hair emerged from underneath the outfit. "Was my daring disguise not enough to fool you, you disgusting empirical jerk! I am..."Simply Red." No, my name is..."C-man...for I have the power to bore you to death with my video game references!"

"That was totally lame and stupid." Eucatastrophe li Briticism said pointedly. "You could have done without the He-man reference."

"Whatever! I am Collin Standingtree and I am here to end your life! Do you have any last words before I send you up to heaven, mortal?" Collin cried, before brandishing a fork and pointing it at Cornelius's temple.

Cornelius frowned for a moment, and then he laughed. "You're kidding, right? You're going to kill me with a fork? How? Are you going to give me food poisoning by making bad food? You obviously can't kill a Briticist prince with a fork, because we are invulnerable to anything except cheese, intelligence, and reality TV!"

"HA! I now have the upper hand! Feel free to watch the endless array of free crappy tv shows, provided free and without malice by the evil Demon-Tv network! Prepare to dine in hell and watch all of these "god-damned" funny shows."

Suddenly, Cornelius awoke in his bed, all covered with sweat. "Why did that happen? Oh...it must have just been a bad dream. Thank goodness."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Lucia entered her house, still sporting her black sunglasses and black gloves. The maid, Salamander Shnozzle, looked up from her Playboy magazine that she was reading aloud to Neddy. "Yes? Are you here to learn about the awesome ties between a man and a woman?"<p>

"You wouldn't happen to be reading porn to my little brother, are you?" Lucia growled dangerously. Instantly, Salamander flinched slightly, knowing that her job (and her paycheck) depended upon this young woman here.

"No...it's "Playboy". It's a video game magazine about the best games for boys to play." Neddy answered. "That's what Miss Salamander told me. I heard about Shiny losing his pants. That's so sad...it makes me want to cry..."

"Calm down, Neddy! No crying! If I want you to cry, we watch a Disney movie! Do not cry over other people!" Lucia reassured, but unfortunately, her little brother misinterpreted her sage words of advice.

"You're a sociopath!" Neddy cried. "You don't care about anyone!" Suddenly, Neddy turned to stare at Lucia for a moment. "Have you heard of Cheerio?"

"The cereal?" Lucia stammered stupidly.

"No, Cheerio interrupted our important auditorium assembly yesterday with her motorcycle gang and started encouraging all of us to eat healthier. I think she is a dentist or something!"

"That's a _doctor." _Lucia corrected quickly.

"Oh. How did you know that, then?" Neddy asked stupidly.

"No reason." Lucia lied.

"You weren't there at the time. Are you...maybe..."

"I'm not Cheerio!" Lucia exclaimed.

"...Are you gay or something? Why else would you hang out so much with Rika?" Neddy said. "I heard the more time two women spend with each other-"

Lucia's face turned bright red in anger. "WHO told you these insane-inane-and incorrect notions about lesbians? You're not supposed to know these sorts of things!"

"Miss Salamander was just telling me about this book of all kinds of neat things..." Neddy stopped.

"MISS SALAMANDER, OR SHALL I SAY MISS SALACIOUS! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU READING HER A PORN MAGAZINE!"

"It's not about corn!" Neddy interjected.

"Well, this is certainly exciting."

Lucia's eyes widened upon seeing the same naked girl she had met down in the ghetto, only she wasn't naked and was wearing a shirt that was much too big for her. "Ah, it's the creepy psycho woman!" She cried, and immediately started to run, but Neddy grabbed her by the arm.

"No, this is someone I would like you to meet. Her name is MNISSICTYF."

"What?" Lucia asked, but frowned upon seeing that the girl was now starting to laugh.

"That was a joke. My real name is...*BEEEEPPPPPP*."

"What?" Lucia said again. "This isn't making sense!"

"The directors said my name can't be revealed yet. It's a secret." The girl said. "You can call me D.C. though."

"What does it stand for?"

"Defective Commoner, like you!"

"Get back here!" Lucia cried, and started chasing after the girl, who merely laughed and ran up to her room. Lucia frowned upon realizing that the girl was also humming the Storm Rangers theme song.

"I want to join your Serial Bites." She said seriously.

Lucia stared at her with wide eyes. "After you just insulted me, suddenly you want to join?"

"I guess." The girl said.


	6. Chapter 6 Dramatic Plot Twist

**A/N:I suppose it's time for me to update this story! Lol, totally original title. I know...aren't I a genius? "Redecoration" sounds ridiculous but it's not funny enough...something more ridiculous would do...hmmm, anywho, on to the parody. **

**Chapter 5:The dramatic plot twist!**

* * *

><p>Charisma zi Briticism was bored. No, phenomenally, incredibly bored, bored to the point where she wanted to strangle every single one of the people who came in the palace begging and whining for food, for money, to the point where...you get the idea. The incredibly evil and dictatorial, not to mention soul-crushingly horrible, terrifying, hair-raising, teddy-bear loving...wait, <em>what? <em>The Empress of the Holy Moly Briticist Empire that dwells in a land far, far, away...was actually BORED?

Well, of course she would be. Being Empress was incredibly boring and dreary. Oh, how often she wished that she could pull off her dress, join the commoners in whatever it was they did in their lives. She supposed that maybe they weren't as exciting as she thought them to be, but what the heck? She could long for things and dream, though it was too bad none of them really were real. However, she did remember the time whenever she was feeling really depressed...and then a creepy white fox had visited her and said that she should make a contract with him and become a...what was it again?

Was it a...Mallard Girl? She didn't think so. Sadly, she hadn't had much more interaction with the darling, as he had been pulled away from her by the guards after they noticed that the creature was addressing her by her first name. That was a no-no. No one was stupid enough to ever dare to cross Charisma by violating any of her long list of laws she had put into effect over sixty years ago. No one remembered them except her...she remembered all ten thousand, sixteen hundred of them.

"Let's see...what was the first one?" Oh, yes. Never interrupt the Empress when she is listening to her Ipod. That lousy brat Lucia had made a mistake whenever she had come inside whining about how her father Marinara had been killed by anime fans. By that time, the Empress had been so depressed about his death that she had been listening to some Leach episodes she had taken the time to illegally record...who says empresses have to follow their own laws? Anyway, since she was an anime hater, that really ticked Charisma off so she sent the little hellion away to Japan for her own good, along with her forgettable brother Neddy.

She knew they were still alive. Wait a second, who was Lucia again? Was she that girl with the long-running TV show? No, that was someone else entirely. She didn't remember. She had way too many children and she had way too many men she had decided to know in the biblical sense and then promptly ditched when it turned out that they secretly hated the anime she loved, said that her habits at the dinner table were horrible, and that she shouldn't really spit on the floor. That was usually what started the horrible Charisma temper tantrum-copyright Charisma only.

When she was ready to do that, she would do three things. First, she would whine about how much the Elvens bothered her because their hats were too pointy, because their ears reminded her of Spock, then she would scream about how much she hated movies and video games, and finally she would say the forbidden words...words so vulgar that they cannot even be said in this fanfiction. Sorry folks, but you would not like to hear these horrible, horrible words. They may even scar you for life.

She would say that they needed a life. Yes, that was the one forbidden term you could NEVER say, unless of course you happened to be Charisma herself. Anyone who said it was sentenced to 19,000 years in jail, a fine of only about one billion dollars, and unlimited amounts of reality television to serve as a good bargaining tool in case the prisoner were to scream and beg for forgiveness and...the remote to change the channel to something decent. She actually thought reality television had its purposes...it was quite useful for torture, after all. She had once made Marinara watch it whenever he had gotten too possessive of the remote.

What exactly was so interesting about the show named Hotel? As far as she knew, it was probably a dumb show about a house, and as far as she knew, houses were boring. They were one-dimensional things that just stood there and didn't do anything. They didn't listen to a thing she said. If they were in the way and she told them to move, the poor impudent brats would refuse. If she kicked them, somehow their defense was so high that she would only end up hurting herself. Houses were evil beings. She knew that, and everyone else in the world knew that as well.

Anything or anyone that didn't obey her was stupid. She had no need of that. Right now, however...she had watched the show named Looney of the Resolution recently and she couldn't help but laugh at the inconsistencies in the plot, how ugly the characters were, and how unattractive they were. Not only that, but the one who called himself the Emperor was just hideous. Not by fashion standards, not by his dorky hair which looked like he had left it overnight on a balcony in order to dry like a mattress, not his egotistical nature, but his..._nose. _His nose was so hideous...why didn't he just replace it?

"Ha ha, the dumb princess is going and killing people!" She cried, and started clapping. "Yay!"

Suddenly, the door opened at that time to reveal Prince Odious ewww Briticism. In his hands, he held a small bird cage. "Ha ha...I got a bird."

"I see that. What's so exciting about that?" She said pointedly. Now her children were boring, too. That was no surprise. They were always that way...all except for Lucia and Euchie. Those two were the most interesting. Not that she would ever mention it out loud, of course.

"...It's _a blue bird. It must have blue blood, right?" _He drawled. Sadly, Odious was born with an incurable condition known as stupidity. It was a fatal disease, which meant that by the time he reached age thirty or forty, he would either die of a brain fart or else become a talk show host. Though she would totally exile him if he ever dared to take up a horrible job like that. Even she had her limits.

"By the way, did you know that you need a balanced breakfast?" He drawled.

"Fascinating. Next, you're going to tell me that there is a theory of relativity. Stuff I _never dreamed of happening. My, what's next, Odious?" _

He stared at her...and then he didn't say anything else, for Princess Schnitzel and her servant Cannon came barreling in the front door and knocked him over, knocking the cage to the ground and the poor bird within managed to fly away. Charisma actually started to clap loudly. Both of them stared at her for several moments.

"What's so funny, your Highness?" Cannon asked.

"Yes, if I may so inquire, your Majesty, what is so funny?" Schnitzel asked.

"Oh, the way you guys came in here...that's all..." She said, and then everyone stared at her...

"It reminded me of how my favorite anime character would act."

Both Cannon and Schnitzel cringed. _Not the anime again! _

Anime was one of the things that the Empress of Briticism had let the Japanese people keep, though they had to keep it in their language, because it sounded much cooler. Besides that, though...everyone else mispronounced the names and completely misunderstood it. It was an unspoken law that you were not to criticize anime.

"Which one this time?" Schnitzel groaned.

"Why, the one that cries Pasta!" She exclaimed.

Everyone face-palmed. "Not that one again...the one where all of the countries have names...not Metallica!"

"You guys _hate _Metallica?" The queen honestly looked like she was about to cry.

"No, no...I mean, we love it! Just please don't cry!" Schnitzel begged, looking very terrified.

The queen seemed even more terrified. "No...I'm not going to...I was only joking!"

Everyone sighed in relief.

The sad truth was that everyone was used to obeying her every command, so much so that no one ever thought of defying her at all. No one ever wanted to defy her, like we said before.

"Also, your highness...about the auditorium incident...there appears to be a new terrorist around. They called themselves...the Serial Bites. The leader's true identity isn't known, but he called himself...Cheerio." Schnitzel said.

"Hey, I thought it was a _she. _Cheerio's voice definitely sounded like a woman's to me." Cannon countered.

"Shut up, Cannon!" Schnitzel cried.

"So...this Cheerio intends to defy _me? I'll show her what it means to cross someone like me." _

* * *

><p>Lucia sneezed and wiped her nose. "Who was thinking about me?" She mumbled. She rubbed her eyes. Staying up late last night as Cheerio had been quite tough, including being stuck in a one-hour bumper to bumper traffic jam, and then the fight that had ensued afterwards...well, let's just say that Lucia's gang of warriors were not that tough.<p>

"Hey, girl, what were you up to last night? You didn't even attend the special meeting last night." Mince Ashtray remarked from on her right. He reached out to hold her hand, but she smacked his away.

"Don't lay a finger on me if you value your life, buddy boy." Lucia growled darkly.

Mince immediately got her meaning and shook. Shiny stared at her with wide eyes.

Rika studied her briefly. "Hey, Lucia, why are your hands so sore? It looks like you were holding something for a while last night-"

"I was busy helping Neddy with her homework last night." Lucia lied.

"Sure you were. How do I know you weren't out gambling again? Or, whatever the euphemisms people use for it nowadays." Mince remarked, but upon seeing a dark cloud form around Lucia, everyone backed away. Rain poured down on the entire room, soaking everyone.

"I think it's starting to rain." Nino Eightball whined before pulling open his umbrella.

"Logically, it doesn't make sense! Rain can't enter a building for no reason!" Shiny cried.

"Don't question the order, Shiny. Don't question the order." Collin whispered. When everyone shivered, he just sighed. "No, I mean...erm, let's...uh, play a video game!"

"Well, let's just return to whatever we were doing..." Mince trailed off desperately. "Help me...what were we doing?"

"I don't remember!" Rika cried. She cast a confused stare at Lucia. She didn't think that Lucia had been at the auditorium last night, and she definitely wasn't hanging out with terrorists. Right? Cheerio didn't sound anything at all like Lucia. As far as she knew.

"I think we were just fooling around. Mince Ashtray doesn't like doing anything." Lucia joked.

"Hey, look! The news is on!" Nino Eightball cried.

"_It seems today that after the aftermath, the Serial Bites are the latest known terrorist group! They went and threatened all of the children in the auditorium! Isn't that right? Joe-Schmo Fenestra, what did your son say about the crazy terrorists?" _

_A middle-aged man with red hair sighed. "He didn't really say anything, except for the fact that he wasn't afraid of them. He also said that everyone is entitled to a good breakfast." _

"Well, that was a pretty pointless broadcast." Shiny said.


	7. Chapter 7 Japan Lamination Front

**A/N:This story has gotten lots of alerts, but I suppose Charisma has gotten lots of people too terrified to even review...oh, well...Charisma will appear more often so that way everyone will love her and review! Actually, she's behind me...*shiver***

**Charisma:What are you doing? Go write the chapter instead of being a lazy-ass!**

**Kamen:I'm sorry...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7 Japan Lamination Front<strong>

Meanwhile, somewhere in a completely unknown, long forgotten about, hidden underground lair, the evil villains known as the Japan Lamination Front were busy plotting revenge against the Briticist Empire's evil schemes. Okay, maybe their location was a little TOO obvious. Where were they, exactly? In the basement of a department store.

Whose idea was that? It was the idea of one General Katnip, okay? Maybe he wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, but he more than made up for it with his wits and his bravery. They were tired of the Briticists limiting anime releases, restricting their rights as citizens, and banning the sale of soda pop.

"Men, our brave compatriots, the Serial Bites, seem like the perfect men necessary to join our team of doom and save the world!" Katnip exclaimed.

"Um, sir, you _do _realize that the leader of Serial Bites is obviously a girl. Didn't you hear HER voice?" A particularly dumb police officer advised.

"Shut up, you nincompoop! You do realize that I don't care if Cheerio is a girl or not! What matters more is that we get them to help us illegally upload anime onto Brittube!" Katnip exclaimed. "General Tohdoh, what do you have to say about this?"

General Tohdoh simply looked at him and barked. "General Tohdoh" was actually a Chihuahua/Doberman mix. Somehow, Katnip was so delusional he believed that the creature actually spoke. Sadly, the man had not gotten a therapist yet for his troublesome psychosis. How this man came to be such a respected and feared terrorist was not yet understood.

"Okay, Tohdoh! We'll be sure to get you some dog food at the store! Troops, get ready to use 'Tohdoh the Purina Worker' in battle! We shall wage an attack on Briticisms soon!"

"YAY!" They all cried.

"Hang on a second, are we going to be able to get a sandwich?"

"How about a girlfriend? I'm really tired of them all being offended by me and leaving me when they find out that I'm a terrorist!"

"Shut up, you lame-brains! Today, we wage war by the method of raising our prices up ever so slightly in this store and then Briticism will fall! BWAHAHAHA!"

"Um, sir...we can do without the generic villain laugh!" General Mushroom cried. General Mushroom was not very smart.

"SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE! AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT, WHY DON'T YOU BRING ME SOME APPLE PIE FROM THE GROCERY STORE?!"

* * *

><p>Yes, things were hard in the Japan Lamination Front. They all fought endlessly and blamed each other, but somehow, in the end, they managed to get things accomplished. No wonder they had placed dead last in a poll conducted by a journalist named Retard Speedo when it came to 'Worst stores to shop at.' Above, of course, Wall-farts and Lacie's. No one liked going to places that sold only beans and farting accessories except for the Weasley twins and other pranksters.<p>

* * *

><p>As for Lacie's...well, the shopkeeper was a bit eccentric and liked red flying everywhere. She also loved anything in the color red. She was a bit psychotic as well, and no one liked being near her daughters, Alice and Alyss. They took after their mother in the psycho department. <strong>(Lol. PH reference FTW.)<strong>

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Lucia Lamborghini was imprisoned in a tower of doom and deprived of all her freedom, her chess boards, and her DVD collection. No, she was in a place that restrained her every movement, prevented her from thinking out loud, and kept her mind under wraps. Every five seconds, she had to prevent herself from whistling the "Storm Rangers" theme.<p>

Yes, she was stuck in school, the hell all kids have to go through every day of their miserable lives. Ashtray Academy was by far one of the most boring schools ever made.

"...So, do you remember how funny brushes are? They're annoying, but funny because they sit there and make no noise?" Rika said to a friend beside her.

"Are we going home?" Shiny moaned, (while also secretly peeking at Lucia.)

"Ooh, look, Nino! Here's the newest issue of Punch-a-Tron! You get to see more girls than ever in here punch Transformers and break them!" Mince cried.

"Will all of you shut up? God, you blokes drive me bonkers!" Lucia yelped.

"When did you start talking so..._intellectually?" _Shiny asked.

"You utter fool! This is a BRITICIST accent! What rock were you born under?"

"Oh, Lucia, you're so dreamy when you're angry!" Shiny gushed.

_"Dude, shut up_!" Mince hissed. "She'll kill you!"

Already, the rain cloud was back over Lucia's head. "Anyone get me an umbrella?" She growled.

"Yes, your highness!" Mince cried.

"Wait a second...are they being...mind-controlled? Okay, this could be good..._do the chicken dance!" _Lucia commanded.

* * *

><p>Within minutes, every student in the class was doing the chicken dance, even the teacher. Lucia smirked. Was this what that mysterious naked girl had given her? Lucia shivered then at the mention of the term "naked."<p>

"Bring me candy." She commanded.

"Yes, your highness." Mince said obediently.

"Bring me a bier!"

Mince paused for a moment. "You're too young to drink-"

"I meant a BIER. Something you can CARRY me on, you dimwit!" Lucia screamed.

"Okay, your highness. Here you go." Mince said before setting a can of beer at her feet.

"Wrong _beer. God, what is wrong with you? Give me some Kit-Kats!" _Lucia said, feeling very vexed at the moment.

The next thing Lucia knew, she was engulfed in cat hair as millions of cats swarmed around her. _Urghh...why are they taking my demands literally? This isn't what was supposed to happen...at all? Hang on, maybe if I tell them to shut up, it'll work. _

Suddenly, every door in the room banged shut and everyone decided to stare at Lucia. No, wait...they were frozen.

"Hello? Oh, no...what's going on here?"

She looked away for a moment, and then a huge black rabbit wielding a scythe came at her.

* * *

><p>"HERE'S B-RABBIT!" It cried. It then raised its scythe at her. Before the "scythe" came near her throat, Lucia sighed.<p>

"Stop cosplaying, Rika."

"How'd you guess?" The rabbit asked before pausing and...dropping the _golf club. _Funny, she'd imagined seeing a freaking scythe? The world sure was weird these days...

"I've noticed your stupid costumes before. Please stop stealing from movies." Lucia whined.

"What happened to everyone?" Lucia asked before walking around...well, _trying to walk. _However, she kept on tripping over the golf club.

"What the heck?" Lucia cried again. "Wake up!"

Suddenly, everyone came back to life. Lucia smirked. Her geese was truly a miraculous power...until she heard honking. Somehow, she was now surrounded by geese. They nipped her ankles playfully.

"Come on, this isn't 'Fruits Basket'! Knock it off, you dumb ducks!" Lucia cried, cursing her bad luck. "Who do you think I am, Mother Goose? I said, BEAT IT!"

Then, everyone in the room started to moonwalk.

Lucia hit her forehead. "...No, just go away."

The geese vanished, but B-rabbit (Rika) remained. It was then that everyone noticed the huge black rabbit in the corner of the room wielding a golf club.

"Ah, a monster!" Mince cried.

"Not the B-rabbit!" Shiny whined, before hiding behind the ever-so-oblivious Collin, who was too busy playing his HALO game to even notice.

"Shut up, anime nerd." Lucia growled. "That's-"

"Yes, I am B-rabbit! Fear me, mortals! Ha ha ha ha!" Rika cried.

Lucia unzipped the back of her costume then and everyone gasped upon seeing that the "mighty" B-rabbit was really just Rika. Everyone started to laugh at her.

"To think I thought you were threatening!" Mince jeered.

Their laughter was interrupted by a crashing sound.

"What was that?" Lucia cried.

* * *

><p>Suddenly, the doors banged open and Rubicon Ashtray came in. Behind him was Charisma zi Briticism.<p>

"Crap!" Lucia cursed as she forced Rika out of the B-rabbit costume and went in it herself.

"Who is this?" Charisma asked strictly. When no one responded, a vein mark appeared on her head. "I said, WHO IS THIS?"

"I am...the B-rabbit!"

"Oh my goodness...it's a cosplayer! Nice costume! Let me get your autograph, Miss B-rabbit!" Charisma cried with hearts in her eyes, dancing around like a child who'd be given an ice cream cone.

_Aw man...why is she here? _


	8. Chapter 8 First mission

**A/N:This is a fun story to write. I especially love to take the people I hate in real life and incorporate them in here. Yes, I have seen many idiots doing stupid things (no names, of course) but they will be in here in some way, shape, or form. We haven't exactly hit the Black Knights yet, have we? Well, it's time to get in Villetta, Jeremiah, Ohgi, Chiba, Tamaki, Rakshata, Lloyd, and Cecile. Jeremiah will still be male, and so will Ohgi, however, Rakshata will be male and Cecile will still be female. **

**Chapter 8 The first task of the Serial Bites **

* * *

><p>If there was one thing the Briticist people loved more than anything else, a blue-haired man thought to himself as he finished uploading another illegal anime dvd to Brittube, it was anime. He was also a closet anime fan, but he tried not to let anyone know about it except his imaginary robot friends, his plants, and his stuffed rabbit. He was convinced that they wouldn't tell a soul, except for his rabbit, who tended to move when he wasn't looking.<p>

This man's name was Void Asphalt. His parents were a little crazy when they named him that, except for the fact that he never paid attention to anything they said and he would always space out and pick his nose. His mother's first name was Polymer and her last name, too, was Asphalt. There had never been anything concrete in the origins of her name, her relatives, Gypsum, Cement, and Brucite said. Somehow, they had just built upon the traditions that the royal Asphalt family had lain down for generations-the tradition of using bizarre names for their children that guaranteed them a one hundred-percent chance of becoming social outcasts for the rest of their lives.

They were molded from the moment they were born into the limelight of the Asphalt family to be as goofy with names as possible. Then again, perhaps Charisma zi Briticism had already won _that _award. She had named her children Eucatastrophe, Schnitzel, Clover, and perhaps the worst of all...Neddy. Who names their child Neddy? That was a boring and dull name.

Not like Void was any better. Anyone who talked to Void always said it was like talking to no one. He was awfully hard to get along with and usually cast as many people as he could aside while he talked to them. Some said he had hardened his heart. Others just didn't care.

He didn't care about anyone except his secret maid-er, slave-er, assistant, Sessile Crockery. She had the personality of a sponge; she absorbed most of the information he told her, but her mind wiped the rest off as if it were nothing. Her father was also a Crockery. His first name was Sedentary. Both of them were known couch potatoes. They were prime examples of the law of inertia.

* * *

><p>He turned away from his computer screen where he had just typed an entry on his Fecesbook page and saw Sessile, sitting down, staring into space. She liked to do that...a lot. In fact, sometimes he couldn't tell whether she was alive or dead. She always acted comatose even when she was awake, so what was the point of even trying to talk to her?<p>

"Sessile, are you with us?" He said before waving a Gundam in front of her face.

She jumped back in terror. "How dare you use those things on me! You know I hate them!" She shrieked in pure terror, because nothing is more terrifying than a Gundam toy. Yes, they are terrible.

"So, Sessile, what were you thinking of?" He asked.

"Just of my father and how weird he was with names. What kind of name is Sessile, anyway? It sounds like a name for a plant." She said self-deprecatingly.

"Don't put yourself down. Your name is awesome." Void said softly. "But not as awesome as mine."

Sessile smiled and returned to drawing a picture of a dish. That's what she had done this entire time, after all-even if she looked like she was doing nothing, people were idiots to assume that when in reality she was doing something.

* * *

><p>The door burst open then and a blond-haired man with blue eyes entered, dressed in drag...again. They were used to the antics of their transvestite neighbor, but that didn't mean that it didn't get on their nerves. His name was Rock-Solid Koala, and he was quite girly.<p>

"Too bad they found out I was a guy," He huffed, taking off his skirt.

"Get changed in the other room, please!" Void said. "No one needs to see anything that would make you a guy, namely your hairy legs, your abs, and your hairy arms. I need a cold shower now."

"Are you dirty?" Sessile asked stupidly.

"It was an _expression,_ Sessile." He said in annoyance.

"Your face doesn't say anything right now." Sessile said dimly.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're an idiot, Sessile?" Void said in annoyance.

"If they did, I don't remember!" She said happily.

"Ignorance is bliss," Rock-solid called from their bedroom.

"Shut up and get dressed!" Void cried. "Don't touch my anime collection, either."

Rock-solid came out then, dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. "There? Happy now?"

"Yes, you look dapper," Void said sarcastically. "We're going to that ball today, so you had better look presentable."

"That's boring!"

"That's the point of it. Everyone else there is just as bored as you are, they just pretend to be interested in it. That's why you can read your magazines there, pick your nose, and even roll your eyes and no one will say a word," Void explained.

"Then why does Jerboa Gobstopper enjoy it so much?"

"He's an idiot with no life, that's why. Ever since Marinara vi Briticism and her children died, he's had no life-itis, an incurable disease with no symptoms, no treatments...and worse, no cure."

"That was a rather redundant sentence." Rock-solid pointed out.

* * *

><p>Jerboa sighed. He was bored. The Purloined office was stupid as heck. The Elevens were stupid, too-but that was something that they were taught in school. He hated the number eleven, and it hated him, too. Thanks to that number, Marinara vi Briticism and her two children were dead, because they couldn't add properly. Their dyscalculia had contributed to the Empress's sending them away to Japan, to learn how to do proper arithmetic-and to have a love of anime.<p>

Lucia had always hated anime. Jerboa hated it, too. His evil companion, Vile-etta Ew, was an anime hater as well. They were the only sane rational people in this world, along with their forgettable peon Cueball and their pet cat, Argent.

However, today, there was something interesting going on. There was a Royal Ball that was set to occur tonight at the palace of Charisma Zi Briticism. Her two children, Eucatastrophe and Cornelius would be there. Eucatastrophe was a sweet little child, unfortunately, he was a tad on the schizo side. He was cute and everything, it was just creepy to be around someone who talked to a stuffed bear and expected it to talk back-at age SIXTEEN.

Jerboa stood up and sighed. "What villainous act can we do today, Vile?"

"Don't call me that. I lost all inspiration for villainous ideas the day we _had _them. We stole enough money from people, gambled enough money from people, and murdered enough people for money. Where do we go next?"

"Why not go after the Serial Bites?" Cueball suggested. Cueball was not a very smart person, as you can see.

"Those idiots need a life. They're just a bunch of stupid kids with no time on their hands." Vile-etta replied before putting her head in her hands. "Going after them would be pointless. The only way they would become criminals would be if they committed an anime-hate crime, which is unthinkable in a stupid place like this."

"What would that be, exactly?" Jerboa said, a glint coming into his eyes.

"Oh, like taking down the Brittube videos for coffee rights, suing them for use of characters in poorly written stories, and other stupid stuff like that. They'd have to be real terrorists to do that, though. Anything is free on Brittube," Vile-etta said.

A wicked smirk appeared on his face. 'I know the perfect way to ease my boredom...make those stupid Elevens cry over their dumb anime shows being removed.'

* * *

><p>After Lucia had escaped the dangerous situation with her mother, she decided it was time to call up another Serial Bites meeting. So she headed off in her outfit and drove on her motorcycle to their super secret meeting place. She found Collin, Rika, Nagai, and a few new faces waiting for her when she sped up.<p>

"This is Can-opener Pierogi. He's one of my video game friends!" Collin introduced.

'Oh, god. More video game nerds?' Lucia mentally facepalmed.

"Hi, I'm Cheerio, nice to meet you. How shall we strike fear into the hearts of the Briticists?"

Pierogi scratched his head. "Um, take down the Brittube anime videos?"

A wicked smirk crawled up Lucia's face. "That sounds like a _brilliant _idea. Let's do it, men-and women!"

The new person introduced himself as Sheer Tambourine. With that, they were off on their devious plan of world conquest, not even suspecting that someone else had already come up with THAT idea.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:Time for the next chapter! **

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9 The war against Brittube<strong>

Jereboa Gobstopper smirked as he looked at the screen on his computer. He had formed a Brittube account and now he could start his battle of evil against the stupid Elevens and their dumb anime stuff. He came across one video. "How stupid," He muttered. He clicked on it and pressed "Flag."

A pop-up appeared and it said, "What reasons do you have for flagging this video? Is it stupid, dull, or uninteresting? Is it something illegal or immoral? Or, are you just doing this out of boredom? If it is the last one, we love you _long_ time and you may continue on."**

Jereboa sighed. "Yes, I know you love me. _Who_ couldn't love me?" He said arrogantly. He clicked on the third reason and another pop-up appeared.

"You are wonderful for wanting to delete this stupid crappy anime cartoon. What shall your reward be? A million dollars? A great army? A bunch of oranges?"

Jereboa smirked. Where the heck had they come up with that stupid idea? He hated oranges, he absolutely did, and he saw no reason these stupid idiots assumed that he liked them. Jereboa smirked then as he saw the sign that made his day:

_"You are going to receive something special in your mail. Have a wonderful day." _

* * *

><p>Jereboa smiled as he opened his email and his eyes widened as he saw that there was a message telling him that he had just received a Trojan virus in his computer.<p>

"YOU ARE AN IDIOT!" The message sang, and then they completely overtook his screen.

Jereboa cursed and threw his laptop, breaking it and thus destroying any hopes of him removing any of the evil Brittube videos from Brittube. So the Japanese would continue using their awesome anime videos for their own purposes. However, what he didn't know was that Cueball had sent him that link because he had been inculcated by the dark side.

* * *

><p>Cueball smirked as he sat in his room. "The fool got what he deserved! Now I can watch some more anime!" He cried as he clicked on another link. His eyes widened as he saw that there was no video. "DAMMIT, JEREBOA, YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!"<p>

The war was on, he knew, and now Jereboa would be shown no mercy. "It's on, you disgusting mouse."

* * *

><p>Lucia grinned maliciously behind her mask. Not that the other Serial Bites could see. But if they could, they would run in terror. "I just sent Jereboa Gobstopper a Trojan virus," She sang.<p>

Everyone gasped.

"What the _heck_ is wrong with you? He's totally evil!" Shiny Tambourine cried.

"He's an anime fan," Lucia said, as if that was an ideal excuse for everything.

"I also told him to stop eating junk food or else he'll get diabetes."

* * *

><p>Everyone smiled.<p>

"YAY! WE CAN END THE WAR ON JUNK FOOD!"

"Wasn't this war supposed to be about _fighting_ the Briticists for the Elevens' sake?" Pierogi said stupidly.

"We _know,"_ Lucia groaned.

Pierogi said, "I was just saying that I don't think we should take this out on anime, we should take it out on...Knightmare Frames!"

* * *

><p>Everyone shook their heads at him in disgust.<p>

"Hey, I _like_ them. They're fun to fly around in." Tambourine said.

"I like them, too. They're fun to blow up," Collin said.

"I like them only because everyone else likes them," Nagai said. "What? I'm just trying to make everyone else happy!"

Lucia sighed. "They're a huge nightmare to deal with."

Everyone but Pierogi laughed.

"You have a great sense of humor, Cheerio." Tambourine said.

"So did the people who named you Tambourine. By any chance, were they wandering musicians?"

"Electricians?" Tambourine repeated.

"_Musicians_!" Lucia cried. "Turn down your Ipod!"

"So, what's next on our evil plan?"

Lucia smirked. "I was thinking we could remove the anime that the Empress watches and get her ticked off. Right now, she doesn't consider us a threat."

Everyone shivered.

"That's too dangerous. Let's just...poison her." Pierogi said stupidly.

"You know something, Pierogi? You need a nice tall glass of _SHUT THE HELL UP_!" Lucia screeched.

"Cheerio, is it close to that time of the month?" Nagai mocked.

Lucia hit him in the face with a pot thrown out of seemingly nowhere.

"You idiot! You need to be a little better at comprehending things people say to you," Lucia said. "I said we are going to go into this event and never look back."

Nagai flinched. "Oh, okay. I was just thinking that maybe it would be better to deal with these problems as they come around. We should actually just stick to annoying her to death."

Lucia sighed. "You're all idiots. But, I could use you for something more deadly. Let's go and take down more videos."

"Yay." Everyone said reluctantly.

"You're going to egg me on sounding like that? Louder, please." Lucia said in annoyance.*

"_Yay," _Everyone said in annoyance as well.

"Excuse me? A little louder, please." Lucia said.

"YAY!" They said sarcastically.

Lucia hit her forehead. "That's okay. I know for a fact that maybe we make mistakes. But I never make any mistakes, because I'm the leader and what I say goes! So off we go on our crusade to destroy the anime!"

"She's nuts," Tambourine whispered to Collin, who nodded.

"I can't say anything," He said.

"Why?"

"Because...my hands are tied."

"She blackmailed you?" He whispered again.

"No, she _tied_ my hands to her." Collin said and sure enough he had rope bound around his hands and then that was when they noticed that they ALL had rope tied to them.

"This is so you don't go anywhere." She said maliciously.

* * *

><p>So Cheerio and her friends continued their crusade against Briticisms, while Charisma lounged around lazily in her bedroom eating chocolate chip cookies and watching anime. The Empress was also quite overweight.<p>

Eucatastrophe was busy smashing all the furniture in the downstairs room simply because he had nothing better to do, Cornelius was ripping out pages of books and chewing on them, Schnitzel was trolling people online by going through various identities, all with the same name, and wondered how no one figured out who she was, and finally, Odious was in his room, watching reality television as a punishment for calling anime stupid. He was bound to a chair with duct tape over his mouth.

Currently, he was unconscious due to the incessant droning of the reality television infesting his mind.

"The thing is, we all know that this show is a pointless waste of time, but nonetheless we want you to keep watching this show until your brain IQ is beyond -50. Please tune in next time for our dancing hippo show! Now, we take you to a salon where three girls are fighting over a plate of spaghetti. Currently, the three of them are trying to eat a meatball at the same time."

"How is that going, girls?"

The reporter had pieces of sauce thrown at him and the thing was thrown in his face, splattering him with spaghetti and the sauce, and then the three girls tackled him to the ground.

"No, no, no, I'm _not_ a plate of spaghetti-hey, hey, don't mess with my wallet now!"

He started to sob and moan as he realized then that his keys were gone, along with his little pony figurine.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The screen went blank.

* * *

><p>"We are experiencing technical difficulties." A voice said. "So, to entertain you all, we're going to play you an endless loop of a dog chasing its tail! Have funnnnnnnnnn~"<p>

Odious awoke then. "Yay, it's a doggy!" He cried.

Meanwhile, Cornelius came downstairs and screamed as he took in all the broken furniture that Eucatastrophe had broken. "Why did you do this?"

Eucatastrophe looked at him. "There was an evil spirit in here, so I threw all the furniture at it."

"Well, where is THIS evil spirit?"

"It was horrible. There was a man dressed up like a woman!" Eucatastrophe cried.

* * *

><p>Rock-solid crawled out of the bushes he was hiding in. Some insane pink-haired boy had thrown things at him whenever he had come in just to try to find a secret recipe Charisma had supposedly hidden away a long time ago in her living room. He had received this notice from someone who cannot be named, as they will punch him if he tells a soul.<p>

That someone was none other than Void.

"Damn him...he just wanted me to get beaten up. I hate him." Rock-solid moaned as he put his head in his hands. "Now what the heck am I supposed to do with myself?"

Sighing, he got up and put on his outfit again, despite the fact that it was ripped.

"Cinderella!" An eleven girl cried.

"That's not Cinderella, honey. It's her really fat, older, hairy cousin who no one ever talks about." Her mother explained.

"I don't remember that in the fairy tale." She shot back.

"Look I'm telling the truth, so believe me." She said.

"Fine." The little kid huffed.

Rock-solid watched their exchange with a mixture of amusement and horror. "What the heck _is_ she teaching that child?" He said.


	10. Chapter 10 The beginning

**A/n:New parody series will be coming out when I finish one of my big stories!**

**Chapter 10 The revolution begins**

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, General Katnip was beginning his evil plan by using Tohdoh the Purina worker as his loyal slav-er, servant. He was never his slave to begin with, silly humans. That was only a joke.<p>

"Okay, men, we will begin this by throwing dog food at them, then we will resort to apple pie! What do you think of that, boys?"

Half of the men raised their eyebrows while others facepalmed.

"That's an idiotic idea," One said, whose unfortunate name was Carrotrot.

"SHUT YOUR PIEHOLES! BRING ME CHERRY PIE! THE LAST ONE YOU GOT ME WAS A PIECE OF TRASH, NOT PIE!"

* * *

><p>Void chuckled darkly as he finished watching the last of his Leach collection. He was truly happy seeing as he had duped Rock-solid into sneaking into the Empress's palace in an attempt to get him arrested for cross-dressing and for being a weirdo in general. He hated that man with a burning passion and he was rather delighted that his plan had worked.<p>

Meanwhile, Sessile was busy working on her "imaginary" art-she was still sitting there, doing nothing, like usual, he thought and smirked. The window to his room opened then as a partially-dressed Rock-solid appeared, covered in dirt and grime.

"What...the hell...Void...that...was by far the dirtiest joke you have played on me yet!" He cried as he pulled himself in, shaking off his dress.

"Change out of that disgusting dress, it's unsightly for a man to wear such things," Void chided.

"A man of your tastes, eh? This coming from the man who watches children's cartoons all the time and reads comic books, not only that, he enjoys Punch-a-Tron issues, too!"

"Transformers and robots are completely infantile, Rock-solid. Surely you know that by now," Void chided. "Everyone knows the Briticists are obsessed with that idiocy-right after their anime obsession, of course."

Rock-solid grabbed him by the throat. "You idiot! Because of you, a child compared _me _to Cinderella! Even _I _have my limits, you idiot!"

"I didn't think you had such things." Void chuckled darkly while popping a DVD out of his computer and putting another one in to watch. "Well, if you need me, I'll be watching another episode of Leach!"

"But, Void, don't you want me to punch you in the face for insulting the robots?" Rock-solid said stupidly.

"Now that I think about it, the answer is no. I love the Punch-a-Tron magazines and nothing you say can ever make me say otherwise," Void chuckled darkly...again.

"Stop chuckling! I'm trying to paint a picture of a pretty birdie!" Sessile cried out loud.

"In your _mind?" _Rock-solid said sarcastically.

"Yes, in my mind!" Sessile cried out loud. Both Rock-solid and Void started to laugh hysterically.

"She has a mind? Now that's news!" Both of them cried out loud.

"I think she's been smoking too much pot." Void said, "Where are your stashes?"

"I'm not sure what you mean. There's a pot on the stove if you want to cook something!" She cried.

Both of them laughed even harder. "Oh my god, she doesn't even _know _what we're talking about!"

Sessile frowned. "I do. I mean, you're speaking and I can understand you. You're not speaking in a different language."

They laughed even more, much to Sessile's confusion.

"Why are you laughing at me?" She cried. "Does my virtual painting not look good!"

She showed them a picture of a poorly rendered bird on a piece of paper that she had drawn with a piece of chalk.

"Why wouldn't you use a pencil?" Void said, secretly the artist. He went over to touch her drawing, but she snatched it away.

"No, don't touch me! You have invisible things all over your body that can destroy my picture!" She turned and ran out of the room.

Both of them looked at each other in confusion. "Is she just me or is she even more crazy than the Empress is?"

"No one's more crazy than the Empress," Void said, shuddering as he remembered the time when he had ventured into her palace and she had attacked him, mistaking him for an anime character and asked him to take a picture with her. Needless to say, he ran away from her after that whole incident.

"Yeah, you got that one right."

* * *

><p>The Empress sat up abruptly, knocking her pack of chocolate chip cookies to the floor. She lifted her heavyset frame out of her bed and wandered over to the television, which was now full of static.<p>

"What the hell happened to my TV?"

Downstairs, she heard crashing noises. "GUARDS!"

Instantly, a frightened-and underpaid-guard opened the door, "Yes, your Heaviness, what can I do for you?"

"It is your _Highness, you imbecile. _Remember that well, before I cut off your foolish tongue for not thinking before you speak."

"What does that mean?" The officer asked.

Charisma sighed. "You idiot, what the hell happened to my cable?"

"It's Prince Eucatastrophe, sir-he wrecked almost every article of clothing and furniture downstairs. He said there's a monster down there."

"There will be a monster down there in a few moments if he doesn't stop ruining my house!" She boomed, her feet going down the stairs, which all trembled upon feeling her weight on them. She weighed a whopping 7,000 pounds-actually, she was more around 3,000 pounds. Though her weight increased when she got angry. She had actually crushed someone to death under her weight once because she thought they were a chair-that was actually her stuffed pumpkin, the Great one. She would miss him and cry about him often.

* * *

><p>Cornelius li Briticism also kept a large handful of teddy bears and also was a huge fan of stuffed animals. She hated ponies, which her little brother loved with a passion and was a Brony.<p>

"EUCHIE, WHAT IS THE MEANING BEHIND THIS HORRIBLE MESS AND MASSACRE OF MY THINGS?" She boomed.

Eucatastrophe instinctively curled himself up into a ball in a poor imitation of a Sandshrew and failed. "Um, there was a ghost in here and I tried to scare him away by throwing things at him."

"Your Pokemon games will not teach you very much in life. In real life, there are no such things as ghosts!"

_a/n:That's a funny pun, considering how much my games taught me. I'm thankful to them!_

"They do exist, mother. They do! I was thinking how much everything floats so I tossed the best I could find of furniture at them!"

"The thing is, child, that you must learn never to break things that are mine. Now you will watch reality television like your brother Odious did."

"NO, please, give me a more lenient punishment!"

"Hmm...merciful punishment, you say...all right, let's opt for the punishment where you are chained to the wall, watching nothing but Metallica Axle Pewters!"

"No, I don't want to watch people farming for rocks!" Eucatastrophe whined. "Inky, Blinky, and Stinky Pie did that, and look how they turned out!"

"You do not get to choose your punishment!" She boomed.

Euchie screamed bloody murder then as he passed out.

* * *

><p>Lucia sighed as she sat at the Serial Bite's table. All of them were busy pinpointing the location for their big reveal to the Briticist Empire.<p>

"How about we go for an arcade?" Lucia said in boredom.

"No way! How about we send them to a casino!"

Lucia facepalmed. "That's too stupid!"

"How old are you again? I was thinking you might be too young to lead an organization like this!" One cried.

"You don't need to know stuff like that!" Lucia boomed.


	11. Chapter 11 Revolution or rotation

A/N:Time for another chapter!

Chapter 11 Revolution or Rotation?

* * *

><p>The Kowtowing hotel staff couldn't be any happier. They had a building built on top of a lake (with five thousand leaks to date and three tragic drownings when repairmen were unfortunate enough to be in the midst of such a thing), a crazy terrorist gang holding them hostage by threatening them with lampshades, and they were now on television! Yay!<p>

"So, are you going to give us all of your anime DVDs or will we have to resort to violence?" Lt. Colonel Cushion asked, waving a toy sword at them threateningly (where he had gotten it was not known, nor asked about. It was just one of those things you don't ask evil overlords.)

"Yes, please give us some pie as well," Lt. Katnip said beside him, chewing absently on a piece of pork chop he had stolen off the table of a banquet the chef had been preparing...until he saw the very large and rotund lieutenant coming towards him, at which point the poor man called it quits and jumped out of a window to his death. "Tasty...hey, chef, bring us some more!"

"He died, remember?" A nameless mook said cautiously.

"Oh, yeah...that's right. Go raid his fridge." He said while gnawing on the bone now and throwing it aside. LT. Colonel Cushion looked at the raw bone on the ground in disgust.

"Didn't we teach you _not_ to litter, scumbag?" He growled.

Katnip froze. "Um...I was just aiming for a trash can..."

"It's not the floor, you idiot. Floors are not meant for food, our mouths are, remember?" Colonel Cushion scolded. "Now keep your mouth full, you curmudgeon."

"I'm sorry...we can't hand you our anime...it means so much to us," A woman said, also dressed in a poorly done cosplay outfit.

"Listen here, wench! When I tell you to give us anime...you give it to us!" He said. "You're already dead to me..."

Suddenly ketchup squirted all over the poor woman's dress and she broke out into hives on the spot. "How dare you! I'm allergic to ketchup!" She wailed as she passed out.

"That was unnecessarily cruel," Katnip whined. "She's allergic, you poor buffoon. Have a heart!"

"I do have a heart-it's just not as soppy as yours is, Katnip," Cushion retorted before grabbing a handful of popcorn and gobbling it down whole. "Now...let's get the show on the road. Tonight we're going to bring down the house and free all of the anime from these oppressors of animedom..."

His men cheered, though reluctantly. "I tell you...this one show is total trash...there's this man who gets this weird power to control minds and he is totally gay for this one other guy-"

"I hate that show," Cushion said while popping more popcorn in his mouth.

"Really? Why?" Katnip asked in surprise, kicking the young woman who'd been sitting in the chair next to him as she willingly gave it up to the man who was holding a lamp above her head.

"Please don't burn me..." She whined.

Katnip looked at her in bewilderment. "Woman, are you a vampire? A little light won't hurt your eyes..." He trailed off as he raised it up to her face and suddenly she melted into nothing. "Huh...she was a vampire..."

"That or some crappy sparkly one," Cushion said as he ate the last of the popcorn and advanced on the kernels, who all trembled in fear at the sight of the great Colonel Cushion.

"Don't eat the kernels!" He cried.

"Too late. The kernels must face the wrath of me, Colonel Cushion."

"This is pretty lame for a hostage situation," A pink-haired boy said as he entered the room, carrying a pony in his arms. "I mean, seriously...who would just raid someone's fridge and steal their food by taking a hotel hostage? Why not just steal someone's fridge or better yet go buy your own fridge?"

"Shut up, kid. Beat it-little ones aren't allowed here-I get mean when I have little kids near me," Colonel Cushion barked.

The boy didn't move, however. Instead, he stared at them with blank eyes. "You need to leave. That's what my pony says."

"Who cares about what your imaginary friend says-"

Suddenly Colonel Cushion's food went flying in the air and landed all over him. "How dare you, kid! Don't you throw stuff at me-?"

At that moment, he fell down, with a fork embedded in his shirt, poking holes in it. Undoubtedly it would be ruined by this.

* * *

><p>"Relax, Colonel Cushion, your wardrobe will be a lot softer once I'm through," A figure wearing a mask said. Colonel Cushion looked up, as did Lt. Katnip, in time to see a bunch of motorcyclists standing there, all dressed in masks and odd costumes.<p>

"Oh no..." He said, staring at the leader, inevitably a female, due to her pink outfit..."It's the Power Rangers!"

Colonel Cushion gasped. "No...it's...CELTY!"

The lead rolled her eyes. "Please, enough of your stupid anime jokes. My name is Cheerio." She said firmly before she threw a bowl at his head and knocked him out.

"Why you little...help us win back our anime!" Katnip exclaimed, jolting up so fiercely that his coffee spilled all over him, causing him to yowl many curse words in pain.

"My, what vulgar language," Cheerio remarked as she put him in a gag. "Now that'll shut you up."

Katnip still whimpered...but Cheerio ignored him. Her gaze turned to the young boy who was watching her with wide eyes.

"Euchie..." She began. "Or a Hundred Euchre wood..."

"How do you know my nickname?" He cried.

"Prince Cornelius told me, shortly before I was dispatched by him to rescue you." She replied simply.

"Who are you?" He asked.

She just shrugged. "Call me Cheerio. I have no other name now..."

The hotel staff appeared with food in their arms. "Take as much as you like...you saved us from their tyranny!" They cried. They also riddled them with anime DVDs.

Lucia turned her nose at one of the ones that hit her mask and fell to the ground. "...Bacon Brawl Tee? Sailor Monsoon? Peach? Defective Ronin...? What stupid titles," She muttered.

"I like those!" The hotel staff cried, clearly offended by her poor taste. "They're awesome!"

"Who would want to watch a show about fighting bacon?" Rika said to her left. "Cheerio, can we leave now?"

"Nope, we've gotta throw a party to let the world know we exist." She jumped out of a window and landed on a conveniently located boat below and got out a disco ball. "Time to sing...everyone!"

Everyone, including Pierogi groaned.

"Couldn't we just intimidate them with a speech?" Tambourine suggested.

"No, that'd be dull and predictable..." Cheerio said as she grabbed a mike and started to sing while the others dug into their food and started to sing as well...

* * *

><p>"How awesome!" Charisma cried, clapping at how awesome her new idols were. "You're not my enemies...you are not worthy of my respect!" She started bowing in front of the television.<p>

"Your highness?" A blue-haired man said as he entered.

"Yes, Jerboa?"

"You have freshly squeezed peach juice waiting for you, with freshly plucked dandelion heads."

"Tasty," She said. "Is my boar ready yet?"

"Yep. He's quite the swine."

"Ha ha," She said dryly.

* * *

><p>Schnitzel turned up her nose. "Such shoddy dress...it's totally tacky and inappropriate..."<p>

"The same could be said about your clothing, you know," Souvenir su Britannia snorted.

"I think she's dreamy..." Cassius Claypot and his brother, Carl chirped.

"Oh, shut up..." Custard and his twin, Mollusk said.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:Time for the next loony chapter.**

**Chapter 12 In which idiots get their dues**

* * *

><p>Charisma zi Briticism scowled at the email she had in front of her. Apparently, someone had the impudence to tell her that her reign as Empress sucked and her anime were all dirty disgusting pieces of trash like her and that she should die a horrible death. The signature at the bottom confirmed her suspicions; they were a member of the Britannian Internal Revenue Services, obviously displeased with the fact that a royal like her did not have to pay taxes.<p>

"This is defamation!" She cried. "They are not allowed to criticize me like this!"

"Your highness..." Jerboa began, "Don't they need a toilet?"

She glared at him. "This is defamation, not defecation, you idiot. Get a brain."

"Oh," He said simply, "I didn't know there was a difference between the two."

"Gah, I am surrounded by idiots." She sighed, putting her head in her hands. Why couldn't there be smart people in her family? She was probably the smartest individual, since everyone else had been exposed to stupidity early on in their childhood.

It was all the fault of the schools and the subjects they taught. There was never any anime in their curriculums, it was all boring, unnecessary stuff the kids would inevitably forget anyway. Who cared about equations and division? There was enough conflict and chaos in the world that was far more important than worrying about math.

* * *

><p>Social Studies had been the worst for Charisma, since people decided it wasn't about studying history, it was about studying how <em>they talked to each other. There was even a record for who could talk for the longest period in class without boring someone else to death. <em>

Surprisingly, the teacher hadn't won, it had been Marinara's mysterious missing brother, V.V. or Vincent Van Goggle...no, his name had been Vivid Violet. It was such a flowery name that eventually everyone called him a girl. He was also extremely talkative to the point of being ridiculous. Even her old arch-enemy, Angriest Darling, was inclined to agree. He had a bad habit of losing his temper constantly.

The temper could never be found again, unfortunately. Their teacher's name had been...what was it again? She couldn't remember. The door opened at that time and a bunch of knights surrounded her.

"Oh, it's the Knights of the Extremely Obese table. Has that table gone on a diet yet?" She asked.

"Nope, it never stops leaving food on itself." Dingo Weinerburger said, flipping a coin in the air with his hands and juggling marbles with his other hand. How? Ask him yourself...

"I don't pay attention to it," Fauna Jetstream said, looking at her cell phone for the umpteenth time to see if there was any news on Equestria Daily. "Nope."

"That's obvious," Dormitory Earnest said from on their left. "She never pays attention to anything."

"Little Fauna is so cute!" Marionette Pentagram said on the right, hugging little oblivious Fauna.

"Do we have to see Marionette's actions? She brings a shame to puppets everywhere!" Moniker Crunchatizeobloopbloop said. Her name was so long that people just called her Mrs. Long Name.

"Can we discuss something serious now?" Biscuit Wallbanger said, looking at his watch and realizing it was broken. It had been broken for years now, so what had taken him so long to figure out that it was? Maybe he just hadn't bothered to.

"Hey, check this out!" Cappuccino Broody said before thrusting a camera in their faces that sure enough showed Scarface and his companions.

"We were defeated by a teenager and her army of motorcycle-riding terrorists, my lady!" Scarface panted. "They hated anime. One of them cursed it out. What is your charge, my lady?"

Charisma's face turned purple. "Insulting...anime? What nerve they have! That's guilty of 10,000 years in prison and no breaks from reality television as well as looking at the washing machine spin around and around and watching other people eat food in front of them! I say, give them the PUNISHMENT."

Scarface paled. "But, my lady, that's a bit harsh. Don't you think they should get a lighter punishment?"

She chuckled. "No, we'll see how they are when they come to us."

Cappucino clapped his hands. "Yay, punishment time!"

"What is the punishment?" Fauna asked.

"You mean you don't know? What kind of halfwit are you?" Marionette boomed. "They basically get stuck with someone whistling a never-ending song over and over until they lose their minds. Believe me, it's traumatizing."

* * *

><p>A scream could be heard from somewhere in the lower portions of the castle.<p>

"OH GOD NO, MAKE THEM STOP! THEY'RE HORRIBLY OFF-KEY!"

"Poor, poor, man," Moniker said sympathetically, "If only he hadn't insulted the Empress's extremely thin skin."

"What _was_ that?" Charisma growled.

"She said nothing," Dormitory said.

"You're off the hook _this_ time," She hissed as she walked out of the room.

Fauna turned her attention back to her ponies.

"You _always_ look at those," Biscuit complained.

Meanwhile...

* * *

><p>Pierogi stared skeptically at his leader as she was asleep...standing up. How the heck could she sleep like that? Was she okay? "Hey, Cheerio, are you with us?"<p>

A snore answered his calls of concern.

"Okay, that was a stupid question," Collin said.

"Cheerio, are you alive? We're supposed to visit a certain Fatso Kit-Katter or something," Pierogi said, ignoring Collin's inane response.

"We know. She's not dead, either," Collin said.

Nagai sighed. "Collin, do us all a favor and shut up and go back to your video games."

Collin hit Nagai on the head with one. At that moment, Cheerio lifted her head.

"Sorry, you guys were boring me to sleep. What's next?"

Pierogi scowled. "We were saying-"

"I know that. Just tell me when you guys have interesting news."

Pierogi hit his forehead.

* * *

><p>"Your Majesty, I am pleased to tell you that Cheerio, the warrior of Cereal and Elevens will be having an audience with you soon...your majesty?"<p>

Fatso grinned and laughed, showing yellow, smoke-stained teeth. "How interesting...will she get at me for eating bad food?"

* * *

><p>The next day, Fatso stared at the masked rider in front of him. "Well? Show me your face, cosplayer."<p>

"Can I put a smile on that face?" The female voice said, as C.C. appeared.

"You're not Cheerio."

"Yo, what's up Fatso? I see you haven't lost any weight," Lucia said, appearing in a special curtain of her own that allowed Fatso to see her face.

"Of course it would be you. Only you of all people could challenge anime and the Empress herself," He said and sighed, "You here to tell me how bad my teeth are?"

"Not exactly, but maybe you ought to stop smoking and eating candy so much." She said.

"You used to hit Generic Kururuma whenever he would give Neddy candy."

"That was different. He was endangering my brother's welfare."

"Oh, by the way...there's a naysayer here." Fatso said, before pointing at Cornelius.

"Die, Cheerio!" He cried before charging at Cheerio, who dodged.

"Die, Naysayer! In the name of cereal, I shall punish you!" Lucia cried as she whipped out a sword and whacked him on the head with it, sending him flying into outer space.

Once they were done with that, they were given a thousand anime DVDs and a bunch of candy.

"I get the feeling he does this to tick me off," Lucia growled under her breath as they rode back home...only to be stopped by a blond man.

"Hello there, my name is Retard Speedo and I was wondering if you would agree to an interview?"

"Take a hike," Lucia growled.

"There are no mountains nearby. Clever pun, though."


	13. Chapter 13 Happy Halloween

**A/N:Special Halloween episode!**

**Chapter 13 Happy Halloween**

* * *

><p>"Your Highness, what are we going to do this year?" Jerboa Gobstopper asked the Empress, Charisma Zi Briticism as she sat on her throne, dressed in all black and from head to toe in a black cat costume.<p>

"Isn't it obvious, you nincompoop?" She said out loud, scaring the poor guards, who were dressed as pumpkins. Spiders (no, the spiders were real, successfully dug out of the Queen's closet) dangled in their cobwebs, scaring the hell out of anyone passing by. She drank a sip of some wine for a moment. "Make an announcement to the general public, and to the Serial Bites! All fighting between Briticists and Elvens stop...today, for Halloween!"

Everyone started to laugh hysterically, thinking this was all some ridiculous joke the Queen was playing.

"That's too much, mother!" Carl le Briticism cried, laughing so hard his stomach hurt. He promptly passed out and was carried out on a stretcher by some nurses, dressed up as candy corn pieces. It was hard for the doctors at the hospital to take the nurses seriously when they looked like walking candy corn pieces.

"Your Highness, must you play the eerie music? Some of us have to work in here..." A guard whined, dressed up like a skeleton.

"You have to get in the Halloween spirit! Okay, reporters, let's get that camera on! One, two, three...WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THE BULB'S NOT WORKING!"

"THERE'S A GHOST IN HERE, RUNNNNNNN!" Odious eww Briticism screamed before running out of the room.

"What does this bulb do? It turns off and on, off and on..." A reporter said.

"You there, put that bulb back in and run the camera seriously!" Charisma shrieked, as one of her whiskers fell off her face and landed on the floor.

"ATTENTION, ALL OF AREA 11!"

* * *

><p>Everyone looked up from what they were doing...actually, no they didn't. The people outside looked up, but the ones inside were too busy working to pay attention to whatever loony idea the Empress had in her mind.<p>

"ATTENTION, TODAY THERE WILL BE NO FURTHER FIGHTING AMONGST THE ELVENS OR BRITICISTS! TODAY, WE WATCH HALLOWEEN MOVIES ALL DAY AND WE WILL BE TRICK-OR-TREATING TO ALL CHILDREN, ELVEN OR BRITICIST! BRING YOUR CHILDREN TO THE PALACE AND WE WILL GIVE YOU DRINKS AND CANDY!"

All of the children screamed out loud in joy, and their parents promptly shushed them, curious about what else the Queen had in store for them. They also wondered if it was just another trap set by the wily Queen and her crazy ways.

"I am serious here. There will be no killing of Elvens, no torture, no nothing except candy giving and scared faces," She said, before meowing promptly and smiling for the camera, showing her bloodstained...er, wine-stained teeth.

* * *

><p>"Happy Halloween, everybody!" The guards cried as the report ended. Everyone clapped in delight, except for grumpy old Lucia, who hated any kind of holiday in particular.<p>

"Don't you love Halloween?" Rika cried, "I'm gonna dress up as a werewolf!"

"How about an idiot, it would suit you the best!" She remarked grouchily.

"Aw, come on, don't be a spoil sport!" Mince cried.

"Bah, humbug." She said.

"Wrong season," Shiny said pointedly.

"Shut up, Shiny, I can't hear the instructions," Mince scolded. "I am going to be a vampire!"

"Lucia, what are you going to be for Halloween?" Shiny asked.

"I'm gonna be the B-rabbit," She said sarcastically.

"That's cool," Shiny said, "Using that costume for trick-or-treaters will probably be pretty scary."

"Yeah," Mince agreed.

Lucia frowned as she sat in her classroom. No one would shut up about Halloween; it was so freaking annoying how all they did was whine and moan about their costumes.

She blinked then as a zombie came up behind her. "Nino, that's a bad costume."

Nino removed the mask. "You don't find it scary," She said in annoyance, "Dang."

"Give him some credit," Mince said, putting his hand on Lucia's arm, only for her to slap his hand away.

"Oh, yeah, like being a zombie is an inventive costume," Lucia remarked.

"I have to agree with Big Sister," Neddy said, "I wish I could see the Halloween trick-or-treaters."

"I can always get you glasses," Mince said stupidly.

"He's blind, you idiot!" Lucia scolded. "You'll hear them, isn't that good enough?"

"Yes, yes it is," Neddy said dutifully.

* * *

><p>Eucatastrophe wore a ghost outfit.<p>

"That's the most obvious costume ever," Cornelius said in annoyance. He himself was dressed in a Frankenstein outfit.

"Who was going to be the vampire?" Charisma's voice called from the living room.

"Sigh..." Mollusk and Custard were dressed up as a...Mollusk and a whipped topping.

"Don't you think this is a clever gag?" Schnitzel said, "I mean, the readers will get the joke, right?"

"What readers?" Mollusk said.

"Never mind," Schnitzel said before sighing. "Odious, that costume is hideous."

Odious pointed at himself, which was a furry outfit, and sighed. "I'm a furry-"

"Why do I get the feeling he doesn't know what that means?" Clover said. She was dressed up like an Octopus.

"That outfit suits you," Schnitzel purred appreciatively, "If only Lucia was here. We could trick or treat."

"Trick or Treat!" Hundreds of little voices chirped as they knocked on the door of the palace.

Cornelius answered. Creepy music drifted from the Queen's Ipod in the corner.

"What lame music," A little girl whined, "Trick or Treat!"

"Here you go," Cornelius sighed, dropping a candy apple, some chocolate bars, and an anime dvd into their halloween bags.

"Thank you for the anime!" The little girl chirped.

"Is it age-appropriate?" The mother said.

"Yup," Cornelius said.

"Thanks!"

The next trick-or-treater was dressed up as a zombie.

"Brains!" It moaned.

"Um, take off the mask," Cornelius advised.

"Brains...I need brains," The zombie cried.

"Here, take some..." The Zombie happily accepted the tray of cow brains and hurried off.

"Was that a _real_ zombie?" He thought. "Good thing I have all this fake blood then. I'll need it for the vampires."

The next one was someone dressed up like a bee.

"Buzz off," Cornelius said. The little kid started to wail hysterically.

"Sorry about that, there weren't any other good costumes that could fit him, so we had to steal one."

"Sorry, what was that?" Cornelius blinked.

"No, we definitely bought this!"

"Big Brother, have you seen my bee costume?" Eucatastrophe cried from upstairs.

"Hey, you!" Cornelius cried, but the thieves took off. "Ah, well...it was just a costume. Not worth fighting over."

"Oh, man," The guard said, before looking at Cornelius, "Are you gonna give more candy to the trick-or-treaters?"

* * *

><p>Lucia blinked as she was also passing out candy, dressed as Cheerio. Cheerio and the Serial Bites had promised the kids more candy than anyone else.<p>

"Cheerio, can we have a picture?" A woman cried.

"Hang on a second," Lucia said as she turned to Collin, who sat down and started to draw. "Not that picture, idiot! A camera!"

Collin quickly picked up the camera and snapped a few photos.

**Happy Halloween, everyone!**


	14. Chapter 14 snacks for the midsection

**A/N:About time I updated! **

**Chapter 14 The aftermath **

* * *

><p>Several weeks had passed since the trick-or-treat celebration, and Japan was still recovering from the aftermath. Too many children had gotten rotten teeth, too many parents had sued the Britannian candy companies out of spite and the end result had been pure and utter chaos. Contrary to what the queen had promised, the candy still had not been healthful for the children to digest at all. Some Britannians had even inserted pop rocks inside the candy or caffeine so that way the Elven children would be on a sugar high.<p>

Again, parents complained about it. Parents tended to be fussy, overbearing things, which was why the Empress was glad hers were long gone. She was in her mid-fifties, but she remembered in full how hers had died. They had died from a mysterious accident, something of which no one had ever explained to her, but she didn't care.

She didn't miss them, and she was pretty sure that wherever her parents were now, that they didn't care about her, either. When was the last time she had received a message from heaven? Heaven was probably full of anime haters, asinine, idiotic people who didn't deserve the gift of anime.

Yet she still gave it to them, out of the kindness of her heart and the stupid Elvens refused to listen to her wisdom about anime. What was wrong with them, anyway? They had pointed ears, still refused to help her do anything in the community, and were so uncivilized. That was why, she thought, as she struggled to get the last bit of paint off of her face, she knew she would have no choice but to try and get a professional to help her remove this stuff from her face. She was stupid to use actual paint on her face.

"Dang it. Of all infuriating things, this has got to be the worst thing I have ever used for Halloween. I mean, I was a monk one year, the next an ape, and then finally I was an owl. People kept offering me birdseed and they mistook me for a common finch, of all ironies!" She said, as she cursed under her breath. How dare those stupid idiots mock her and mistreat her. They had done that to her even this year.

Had they no respect for their empress at all? She would show them...this Thanksgiving, she would take away their turkeys and give them mud pie, this year she would replace the cranberry sauce with barbecue sauce and watch them turn red with fury.

Then they would beseech her for lots of candy and respect; two things of which she deserved, naturally. Why people couldn't see that, she didn't know. Humans were idiots, at least most of them were. Her servant Jerboa Gobstopper was probably one of the smartest people she knew.

Her children were incompetent dolts who wouldn't know a smart person or word if it hit them on the head at 100 miles an hour. They were idiots who didn't even read at all. The Queen had always valued reading above all else. Those who didn't read naturally became stupid and out-classed by everyone else.

That was a truth that in today's society was becoming harder and harder to-

"Your Highness, Odious wants to inform you that he has captured a small bird," Jerboa said.

"How utterly fascinating," She replied sarcastically.

"Just thought you would like to know, your highness. Sometimes, you get mad at me when I don't tell you things in advance notice, like that time we installed the vending machine right outside your door."

"For starters, that led to servants going in and drinking all the liquids there and then leaving stains on the floor. It also led to their being wrappers and other junk because people were too careless to know where to point things. Do you know where to point empty soda cans?"

"Umm...the wastebasket?"

"No, you ninny, in the recycling bin. They even put people in there after they die."

Jerboa looked at the Queen in disbelief.

"What? It's the truth, isn't it?" She said.

He shook his head at her naivete. "We need to have a long talk, your Heaviness."

"Highness! Say it right, Gobsmacked," She retorted.

"Sorry," He said, in a not very sorry voice.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, in another area of Japan, a certain group known as the Serial Bites were trying hard to get over how embarrassing their halloween had been for them.<p>

"I swear, I was manhandled by at least a million children," Pierogi complained, "All because they hated my costume. I had a good costume. What'll happen around thanksgiving?" He moaned.

"Don't even think about it," Sheer Tambourine said, "We're all losers on this plane."

"What plane?" Collin said stupidly.

"It was an expression, dumbass. Go back to school," Pierogi whined.

"Excuse me, that's a rude thing to say," Collin retorted while not looking up from his Hallow video game.

"Ah, I just got attacked! Fatality! Dang you, stupid annoying redeads," He cried out with the agony of a man who had just suffered a loss beyond compare.

"You're playing Zenda again, aren't you? I love the music and the ocarina in it," Tambourine said in nostalgia.

"Shut up. The grown-ups are talking," Collin retorted. "Shut up, ya annoying fairy! I don't want to listen to ya! Gah, I never knew Zenda was such a tough game to play."

"It is if you're an idiot," Cheerio remarked, eating popcorn while she was watching them. Currently, she had her glasses on and her helmet, so she was unrecognizable.

"Have we met before?" Collin said stupidly.

"You know me?" Cheerio said sarcastically. "Gee, we must live next door."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Neddy and Salamander were discussing where his older sister could possibly be during the day.<p>

"If she's not at school she might be working in a cafeteria as a lunch lady. Big Sister makes the yummiest food," Neddy said, blushing as his stomach rumbled.

Salamander said huskily, "Wasn't that split pea and ham soup I gave ya with six sandwiches on them enough?"

"Nope, I'm still hungry," Neddy admitted.

At this, Salamander fell over. "Sigh...Lucia'll kill me if I get her little brother fat. You want a hot dog for dinner?"

"Sure, why not?" Neddy said. 'Just gotta keep my dieting a secret from Big Sister. I hope I can do it...'

As if reading his mind, Salamander said, "First ya gotta keep the snacks out of yer room."


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N:Well, time for me to write another chapter of my satire that makes fun of the rampant stupidity in our society. Now, for me to dash another thing many people enjoy and make it stupid...movies!**

**Chapter 15 Stupid movies**

* * *

><p>Charisma Zi Briticism was quite honestly pissed. No, it wasn't that her children were refusing to share her wonderful love of anime, no it was because they were washing away their vacuous minds by watching stupid, pointless, and dumb movies. What was the point of such stupid, idiotic crap anyway? It wasn't like it taught you anything different from what you already knew anyway.<p>

It was so pointless and stupid. Speaking of pointless and stupid, she could hear Carl and Cassius Claypot watching a stupid soap opera. They were both laughing out loud at the top of their lungs while a frustrated Guinevere was turning up the volume so loud her ears started to hurt.

"Turn that crap down!" Carl cried. "You know full well what'll happen in this by-the-numbers plot!"

"But I _like predictability," _Guinevere whined, tears rolling down her fat, ugly cheeks. "It makes everything better."

"Sure it does," Carl sniffed. "When you've seen the same thing ten thousand times, it doesn't change the fact that it's the same stupid crap."

"But I love it!" She whined.

"Why not go watch it on the Demon Tv network like all your other shallow, narrow-minded friends?" Carl snorted, also snorting down some food as he did so.

"What's going on down here?" Vincent Van Goggle boomed as he came frolicking down the stairs, three at a time. He looked like a girl and yet he spoke deeply. It was a living contradiction. No one knew how that somehow made any sense.

"V.V, use the stairs properly!" Charisma scolded.

"Sorry," He boomed, jumping so hard on the floor that he cracked it and made a huge hole in the wall.

"VINCENT!" She screamed.

"I suppose you're going to say that's my fault as well?" He said sarcastically, removing a plank from his shoe and throwing it down into the hole.

"OWWW! WHO THREW THAT DAMNED PLANK AT ME?" A voice boomed.

"Sorry about that-wait a second, why is there a voice from down in the basement?" He cried down into the hole.

"HEY, TURN YOUR VOLUME DOWN! WHAT'S AN OLD GUY GOTTA DO TO GET LISTENED TO AROUND HERE? FOR THE PAST SIX HUNDRED AND SIXTY SIX YEARS, I'VE BEEN SUFFERING FROM IDIOTS WHO WON'T LISTEN TO ME!"

"That's because you're yelling every time you talk to me! Wait, you're Uncle Generic, our relative who died from Fecesbook disorders!"

"I didn't die, you nitwit. I just faked my death and went into hiding under your house. Half of you are so thick you wouldn't notice if I was alive or dead." The old man scoffed.

"I'm so glad you're alive, Grandpa! I-AHHH!" Before he knew it, poor Vincent had gone and fallen right through the hole, until he landed right on top of poor Grandpa Generic.

"That was an Idiot Ball, if you ask me," Grandpa Generic replied, "I've been researching a website devoted to the art of words and picked up lots of tropes from it. I've also been faking the dead."

"Don't start now! I think my immortal leg is now broken!" Vincent complained. He concentrated. "I think it's normal now."

"Eww, I can see yer blood on there, sissy boy."

"I am NOT a sissy." Vincent protested.

"How many of dem boys up there have got pink eyes?" He pointed out.

Vincent paused, seemingly ashamed by this statement of truth. "You're right...I'm an idiot. A hopeless idiot."

"That's my boy!" He cried before slapping him on the back with his cane, which hurt a lot.

Vincent cried out in pain. "Hey, that hurts, old man!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING OLD?" He cried as he attacked him.

Everyone else decided to pretend they hadn't heard him screaming in pain.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:It's been a while, hasn't it? Well, time to update!**

**Chapter 16 Euchie's horrible idea**

* * *

><p>Euchie li Britannia was much smarter than most people gave him credit for. Well, the only people he even bothered to talk to were his stuffed animals and Mr. Bear, his bestest friend in the entire world. He was the only one who ever listened to him. Not even the therapist did when Euchie told him of his latest adventures with Mr. Bear; he would just tell him he had an "overactive imagination", and that sooner or later, he would grow tired of his best friend and leave him behind forever.<p>

Needless to say, Euchie had promptly punched the therapist in the face and cursed him out for his stupidity, saying words that will not be repeated here. Cornelius was quite angry with him and banned him from using his favorite websites and gaming sites for a few days, in order to teach the spoiled brat some manners.

Euchie was considered by most of the Royal Tennis Court to be nothing but a spoiled, inconsiderate brat who wouldn't stop prattling on about stupid subjects no one cared about, like her dumb bear, how much she hated people who hated on her favorite TV shows, etc, etc.

* * *

><p>Yes, when people were in the Royal Court, they did other things besides stand there and listen to Charisma give her usual rant on how much anime was hated and "discriminated" against, they usually played tennis or even practiced other...well, risque activities. There's a reason why it was called the "Court," after all.<p>

Unfortunately for them, today Charisma had gathered everyone together for the sole purpose of actively boring them to death with this abomination. She had an important announcement to make, and for once it didn't involve anime, much to everyone's immense relief.

"Ahem, everyone. It has come to my intention that it is nearing Valentine's Day. Now, I would like to give everyone chocolate, but I deem myself too important to give anyone my chocolate, which I shall lock up in a secret cabinet where no one will ever find it, with 50,000 locks with 50,000 different combinations. None of you will ever know where it is! Meanwhile, I expect everyone to genuinely give each other cards, and not just because you love your boyfriend so much!"

A loud groan emitted from most of the populace inside the crowded room. Everyone sat in the same pews, because they were sick of standing while listening to her-there was only so much you could take of standing, after all. A man had literally died of excessive standing, because his arthritic legs broke and he fell down dead on the spot.

Some also believed the queen's lectures to have played a major key factor in the unfortunate man's demise. Though none would ever know the truth.

At that moment, Charisma spotted a single, solitary hand waving eagerly in the air. "Yes...Euchie, what is it?" She said, in utter annoyance.

"This super-secret cabinet you speak of wouldn't happen to be the big, huge, tall cabinet in your closet with all those locks on it, would it? For another thing, why on earth would you bother telling us your secret place?"

The members of the court all nodded in unison.

"For once, your kid actually sounds smart," Snooty McSelfimportant said, brushing her hair for the thirtieth time in ten seconds and pulling out another huge clump of hair.

Cornelius glared at Snooty, who nudged her husband, Snobby.

"Er, yes, he always has been right about many things. But, wouldn't you say sometimes he is quite, well, dull?" Snobby chose his words carefully, knowing full well he could be thrown into the dungeon and forced to listen to someone sing a song while being horribly off-key. The last time, the song had been something about someone having a baby and wanting everyone to know that the baby had once been theirs.

How did he know this? Because he had previously been there ten times, five times for insulting the Empress's anime, three times for refusing to change his name to something that didn't sound goofy and weird, and twice for refusing to call the Knights of the Obese Table anything but obese.

Charisma sighed. "Very well, then. Tomorrow, we shall start buying each other cards and you are free to design them any way you like. I expect you to give them to each other and also give them to the Elvens-er, give them just to the Briticists."

The nobles smiled.

"Your Heftiness, what about those of us who actually love giving gifts to our special someone on Valentine's Day? I mean, I think everyone wants to hear me talk about my boyfriend. Did you know he bought me ham as a present for Christmas, but he left it in the fridge for so long that it had mold growing all over it, and-" A woman named Relentless Talker said.

Everyone glared at her. "We didn't ask to hear your senseless chatter again," Snobby said, "The last time you told us about your boyfriend, it took thirty hours for my ears to stop hurting."

"Oh, and one other thing...don't just make your child give cards to kids because you want them to, do it because you actually want them to make friends." Charisma said. "Is anyone going to give me some chocolate?"

Someone tossed a box of chocolate at her, which smacked her right in her hands.

"Thanks! Wait, do these say poison on them?"

"No," Said Cheerio, who was leaning on the side of the Court, bored.

"Cheerio, the enemy of the nobles, is here! Arrest her at once!" A noblewoman cried.

The rest of them shrugged.

"Who cares? She's all about nutritious food instead of the junk known as candy. I'm on her side one hundred percent." A man said, as several people in the crowd cheered, but the rest of them were silent.

"I can never forgive you for what you've said!" A random boy cried, and he instantly went Super Saiyan and attacked the man.

"Yay, Bacon Brawl Z is real!" Charisma cried, clapping her hands in delight at the scene before her.

Everyone else sighed.

Lucia inside the mask face-palmed. "Well, if there is one anime I like, it's that..." She remarked.

Charisma instantly jumped over to her. "We are no longer enemies! We are the best of friends!"

Lucia looked horrified. "I must be on my way now!" She said, and vanished.

'Thank god I escaped the crazy woman,' She thought.


	17. Chapter 17 Joe Schmoe's horrible life

**A/N:Well, time for another update! Shirley's-er, Shiny's dad will not die. Instead, he will undergo some horribly traumatic events that will leave him feeling horrible. **

**Chapter 17 The unfortunate life of Joe Schmoe Fenestra**

* * *

><p>Some people called Joe Schmoe Fenestra an ordinary bloke who was too boring and average for their tastes. Others said he was an all right fella, just not someone they'd want to hang out with, and others adored him above all else. This was true of only two people in the world; Joe-Schmoe's son and wife. No one else cared enough about him to pay attention.<p>

In the end, he really didn't care. All he cared about were his wife, his son and his stamp collection. His stamp collection understood him, which was why he was often seen talking to it at random intervals in the day. Needless to say, some thought he was insane. Again, he didn't care what people thought. He was happy with what he had.

His wife, on the other hand, hated his stamp obsession and was determined to "stamp" them out (no, pun not intended, that was what she said.) Joe Schmoe tended to ignore her when she started complaining, figuring that was what all women did. It was natural enough, but Shiny didn't think so. No, Shiny adored him too much to ever criticize him.

The boy had even once told his father he wanted to marry him. Ew. Of course, he had promptly reprimanded his son, telling him that doing that was a horrible crime called incest, and that it was not a good idea nor an encourageable one to possess.

His wife, Plain Jane, had chewed him out heavily for that, for some reason. Plain Jane thought it best if they never scolded their child for anything he would do, which turned out to be a mistake, plain and simple. Shiny Fenestra and his twin sister, Sparkly.

Sparkly was not spoken of much, for she would lose her luster if they did. Joe figured the best way to keep her feeling brilliant was by keeping her in the dark and keeping everyone else in the dark. There were sessions where they went without the lights in the house, because not only was Joe Schmoe an environmentalist, he was also a scientist. He figured that if the lights were out, Shiny and Sparkly would eventually light up the darkness with their glows.

What he didn't realize was that they did not glow. So instead of sitting with two luminescent children, he sat with children that did not glow. He somehow decided that perhaps they were just too dim to be luminescent. That was why he had sent them to school, to learn how to glow.

He wanted them to be the best and brightest, but was sorely disappointed when Shiny and Sparkly came back with the dull news that they were not bright. They were dim beyond belief. This saddened poor Joe Schmoe, for he had believed that by naming his children extraordinary names, they would somehow _be extraordinary _in a very dull, ordinary, trite household.

His hare-brained schemes had failed, so Joe was embittered and had just resigned himself to believing that his children were failures who could never accomplish anything if they wanted to. This, however, was a mistake, as Joe's life was about to change in a very radical way.

* * *

><p>It was an ordinary day in the Japanese section of town, known as Narita, or also called Margarita as a joke by the Briticists. Narita was such a boring name that they had to choose an interesting name instead. It just made things more interesting and unconventional-okay, okay, we'll stop with the ordinary and extraordinary puns!<p>

So it was an ordinary day, with Joe Schmoe standing there, wearing an ordinary suit with an ordinary tie, with an ordinary briefcase, and an ordinary pair of pants, standing on a bland turnstile, with banal tiles, and-

Just then, a train appeared...and promptly zoomed past Joe without even stopping.

"Hey, wait up!" Joe cried. "I need to get to work!"

The engineer stuck his head out of the locomotive and called out, "Sorry, I can't stop. I'm missing a very important episode of my favorite TV show now, and besides, we've gotta deliver this coal or else we'll derail! What I mean is, my boss will de-rail meeeeee!" He exclaimed, as the train zoomed on and his voice died down.

"What the hell was that all about?" A very angered and annoyed Joe asked himself. Of course, no one answered him.

He swung his briefcase around in irritation, and promptly hit himself in the face with it. Annoyed, he marched off down the turnstile, waiting to see if there were any more trains coming...nope...wait, he thought he saw one...no, it was a weird one with a grinning face.

No, what was he thinking? It was just an ordinary train. He must have been imagining things. Joe Schmoe shrugged, and that was when he saw a very familiar costumed mascot. It was...Cheerio and her band of brave knights-no, a bunch of idiots proclaiming death on sugar. Joe loved his sugar and would never give it away.

They were speeding toward him on a brand-new train. It had all sorts of anti-Briticist symbols on it, and a very vulgar one, too-a phrase in Japanese. How dare they use that horrible language here! Joe felt a wave of anger rise up in him.

"What are you thinking?" He demanded.

"Me? Right now, I'm thinking about what to have for dinner. Take-out, or risk burning the house down with my cooking?" Cheerio snarked.

"I didn't mean that!" He snapped. "What I mean is, why are you here on a train?"

"Here to take you home, of course. Hop on," Cheerio said, extending a hand-er, gloved one, out to Joe. The minute he did so, a foul stench entered his nose and he promptly passed out.

"I didn't know onions could knock someone out with their stench," Pierogi said, holding a few rotting onions in his hands.

"Good job, Pierogi. Now we've just got to wait for him to wake up," Cheerio said.

"But Cheerio, what are we going to do?" Pierogi asked. The figure paused and she turned slightly.

"Something very dangerous and fun. Now stop being wimps and join in," She said before laughing a bone-chilling laugh.

"Sure," Tambourine said, helping lift the man up and onto the train. The train sped off toward their headquarters.

They wondered inwardly what Cheerio had planned for the man, but whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

* * *

><p>"You can open your eyes now," A new voice said.<p>

When Joe Schmoe opened his eyes, he saw that he was tied up with ropes and not only that, there were more onions all around him. He sniffled and sneezed. "What is this punishment for?"

"Watch and learn...as I cover the mountains of Narita in something that they'll be dying to try," Cheerio grinned from under the mask as she pulled a lever, and instantly a huge wave of what looked like bright red wine came flying down the hill at a fast speed.

The soldiers that were all there were swept away by it and were later discovered by Cornelius as being very drunk...and had to be taken to the hospital and have the alcohol drained out of them. It was a simple process.

"Why did you do something like that? That's despicable!" Joe cried, attempting to free himself from his seat, but getting an electric shock from the collar he had on around his neck.

"Uh-uh, it doesn't do to have an attitude like that, now, does it?" Lucia asked evilly, putting her face next to his, er, her mask, and scaring him. "How about we introduce you to something else that you might enjoy? How about we bring your son here and let him become a glow-in-the-dark nightlight? I heard you enjoy shiny objects."

"How do you know about Shiny?" Joe asked.

"He's quite a dim boy, isn't he? Nevertheless, you will live. You will just have a terrifying fear of onions from now on. Think of the ultimate torture as onions, and you shall know what true fear is," Lucia said, before peeling an onion in her hands.

"No, stop! Stop!" Joe cried out.

* * *

><p>"Joe, what happened?" Plain Jane cried out, escorting her husband inside and away from the pouring rain. He was slathered in wine, giggling to himself and covered in onion sprigs for some reason.<p>

"Hey...honey...I hate onions...I really hate them," He said before passing out.

"Shiny, Sparkly, let's put your father to bed now." She commanded. Both children did as they were told.

* * *

><p>The next day, Lucia saw Shiny standing out in the rain, looking all emo. "Huh...he must work for one of those emo bands or something," She said to herself as she brought out an umbrella. "Hey, idiot, get inside before you die of pneumonia!"<p>

"Lucia...baby, what do you get when Cheerio tortures your father and makes him allergic to onions?" He moaned.

"...Um, I don't know..." Lucia said.

"A BASKET CASE!" Shiny wailed, hitting the air with his fists. "He's become utterly hopeless. He won't even eat my mother's dinner."

"And why is this my problem again?" Lucia snorted, before turning away.

"Lucia, baby, wanna score?"

"Excuse me, _what_ did you say?" Lucia snapped.

"Um, nothing...I wondered if you wanted to uh-go, on a date with me." Shiny said.

"_No_," Lucia said promptly, crushing his hopes and dreams like that.

"...Why can't I get her to love me?" He moaned.

"I know of a way you can!" A new voice said. A man with red eyes appeared. "Hello, my name is Moo. I like cows. Do you?"

Shiny's scream could be heard all the way over in the department store of the Japan Lamination Front.

"Did you hear something?" Katnip said, moving his chess piece over on his board.

"Nope," His cousin, Katsup said, shaking his head.

"I wanna go home," A white-haired girl with orange eyes wailed. Her name was Empress Whiny and her partner was Lingual Xylophone, or Li Xylo for short.

"Shut up," Li commanded.

"I wanna go home," She whined again.

"Shut up," He said again.

"I wanna go home!" She wailed.

"Shut up!" He cried.

"Sorry, Mr. Xylophone."


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N:I think I've already established that half of the people in my life ARE FREAKING INSANE! I mean, come on, stop playing your goddamned movies so loud! Oh...well...time for me to do what I love...making fun of the people who piss me off in my writing. That's what's so awesome about writing, people! **

**Chapter 18 Lucia's miserable movie experience**

* * *

><p>Lucia Lamborghini loved many things, like her little brother Neddy (though not in a creepy relationship sort of way like Seiji and Namie, thank you very much), horror flicks, making people's lives hell, watching Storm Rangers and many other things with her headset on while driving her motorbike down the highway at full speed.<p>

She had insisted that the Serial Bites start wearing headsets while they drive-and therefore wreak havoc on the evil of Briticisms. Sooner or later, Briticisms would realize their mistake and stop hurting the Japanese and their beloved, precious anime. Sooner...however, was an understatement.

For today, Cheerio had received a letter of challenge, from one Prince Cornelius li Briticism (her older brother, but it wasn't like Cornelius was smart enough to put two and two together, so let's overlook that tiny detail and skip to the action, kay?) which told her practically that she needed a life, needed to stop harassing the Queen, and if she refused to cooperate, they would send her the 'ultimate torture' imaginable.

Though as to what that torture could be, Lucia had no idea. As long as it had nothing to do with anime. Nothing to do with that depraved, disgusting form of animation that somehow ensnared tons of people with its stupid plots, stupid characters, and terrible animation. Seriously, she'd seen Briticist movies that were better than that garbage! Wait...did she just contradict herself?

No, wait...she couldn't have contradicted herself. That would be impossible. Sighing, she pushed her black hair out of her face. "I really need a haircut," She mumbled, and then as she walked back to the crazy-as-hell Ashtray Academy, several things happened at once. First, a white-haired man with red eyes appeared, ranting madly about cows and how important they were to the human psyche, carrying a chainsaw for some reason, and then suddenly, Mint Ashtray appeared, hefting his fat bulk out the door and trying hard to catch the man in the act.

* * *

><p>"GET THAT FOOL! HE'S THE FOOL WHO TOLD ME I SUCK AND THAT MY MOVIE CHOICES SUCK, TOO! ALL BECAUSE HE COULDN'T DEAL WITH HOW LOUD THIS MOVIE IS WITH ITS CONSTANT ROCK CONCERTS AND LAUGH TRACKS!" He boomed.<p>

Lucia stood there laughing until the white-haired man paused to look at her.

"You insane?"

Lucia looked at him and then shook her head. "No, but they are."

"I know what you mean. When they say loud, they _mean loud. _I was passing by outside and all the birds outside had their wings stuck inside their ears, and all the passersby were running away, screaming with q-tips and headphones on because it was so terrifyingly obstreperous. Even the traffic today was terrible! Everyone, including me, was complaining about the noise!" He cried. "So, as you can see, the excess noise might have made me a little insane. But I'm completely trustworthy."

Lucia looked at him for a moment. "Let me see just how loud this 'movie' of theirs really is..." She said determinedly, going toward the hive of evil...when all of a sudden, a loud cacophony entered her ears.

"This is my Geese, the power to amplify how loud sounds are and make them twice as obnoxious! Unfortunately, it works against me, too, so now we'll both have earaches!" Moo cried as he lay there, twitching and turning. Lucia, too, could barely move from the assault upon her mind and ears.

"Dear lord...that's terrible...what the hell are they listening to, rock music with rampant laugh tracks and colorful ponies in it? Who the hell would watch such garbage?" Lucia cried, about to lose her mind from the noise.

"I know...it already drove me insane, if it drives you insane, too, that'll be two of us!"

"I'm outta here!" Shiny Fenestra wailed, running out of the school at high speed. He had evidently been crying for quite a while. "Dear god...I'm gonna go blog about this on my rumblr page and then..."

"Shiny? What are you doing here?" Lucia asked.

"What else? Trying to escape from the constant clangor and noise! Clangor does mean noise, right...?" He said before looking in a big huge book.

"I think you mean clamor, but definitely there's a bit of both going on," Lucia said darkly. "Only question is...how can the three of us stop it?"

"I have an idea!" Moo cried, raising his chainsaw in the air.

"Put that down, please," Lucia said darkly. "You are aware of my geese, too, right?"

"Yes. You have the Geese to drive away anyone who hurts your sister. Such an evil one, too. Why doesn't your geese honk? Anyway, my idea is...I use this guy who likes you...I brainwash him into believing this noise is coming from bad people who want to hurt you...then he goes in there and beats them all up...and then at the end, we make him forget all this stuff. If anything bad happens as a result, like him dying from a convenient stab wound...well, we can cover that with insurance, right?"

Lucia whipped out her pen and was already signing a long contract. "Sounds like a deal...how are you going to hypnotize him?"

Moo grinned and whipped out a cow toy and threw it in front of Shiny, who just blinked. He dangled the toy slowly before Shiny's eyes. "Watch the pretty cow of black and white...you will see this toy as your beloved Lucia...who is being assaulted by evil creatures who thrive on noise and discord...your goal is to go in there, destroy them all and then save Lucia. If you fail, you will do it again and again and again! Understand?"

Shiny actually looked sort of glassy-eyed now. 'Impressive,' Lucia thought. 'His hypnotism skills are better than I expected.'

"I will...destroy...constant sound waves...destroy those...who...hurt...Lucia..." He chanted.

"Good, now go off to complete your mission!"

He then flung the toy in the room and instantly Shiny went on the attack, lumbering into the building where all the loud cacophony was coming from. Lucia gasped as she saw others around them, all wielding weapons of all shapes and sizes.

One woman held a spoon in her arms, another held a small lawnmower, and another one carried a plastic sword. However, Lucia recognized one of them right away.

"Tohdoh the Purklina worker! What the heck are you doing here?" She cried out.

"Ah, if it isn't Lucia Lamborghini...dude, Lamborghini? That's a car's name."

"But it sounded like a great last name to use, dude! It's not like anyone'll complain!" Lucia cried.

"And like Ashtray's any better! I sound like I'm going to be a smoker when I grow up!" Mint cried.

"Your voice sounds raspy."

"Coughed up any lungs yet, Ashtray?"

"Let us know when you finally meet the tobacco man!"

"DAMMIT, STOP! IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT MY SPECIAL MOVIE WAS RUINED THANKS TO SHINY'S SUDDEN FIT OF RAGE! EVERYONE WANTED TO HEAR MY SPECIAL MOVIE OF NEDDY'S SPECIAL TIME ALONE-"

"You recorded _what?" Lucia said, her face bright red in fury. _

"I...uh...I've gotta go!" He cried, but then a giant titan came up and picked him up and looked at him and then dropped him right in the mud and then stepped on him.

"Eh...wrong anime series, anyway. I wanted to see Eren and Potato Girl," It said distractedly as it walked off.

"Geez, talk about bitter," Rika cried. "That show sucks!"

"What did you say?" The titan said, turning around to face them.

Rika paled. "...Nothing..."

Another titan appeared and completely stepped on the section of Ashtray Academy where the movie was being held, smashing the DVD player, the movie, and the chairs around it to pieces, leaving the occupants without chairs and with a few traumatized minds and broken bones.

"HA HA! WHAT DID YOU THINK OF MY GRAND COSPLAY?" Charisma cried, unzipping her costume to show her face. "Hey...all of you...do it right!"

"Sorry, mother," Came the voices of Euchie, Clover, Schnitzel, Carl, Cassius Claypot, Cornelius, and Polyester and Mussel.

At that moment, the 'titan' collapsed in on itself and all the occupants fell out, spilling their secret to the general public.

"How's this for cosplay?" Cornelius said, "Don't I look dashing, Shizu-channnn?" He whipped out a knife. "This looks awesome!"

A random vending machine came flying from out of nowhere and landed on him.

"That hurt..."

"IZAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Looks like you got the real Shizuo coming at you," Shiny said, snapping photos of the awesome event before him. "That was some party."

"I'll say," Lucia snarked, watching her former family get harassed and beaten up by the public. All in all, it was a good day with Charisma breaking a few teeth, Carl breaking his leg, Euchie breaking his pony toy, Cornelius breaking his ribs and his good suit and tie, Clover breaking up with the man who beat her up, and then Schnitzel got away with murder!

"...Hi..." A woman who was hideously ugly said.

"Who are you?" Pierogi asked.

"I'm...I don't know who I am..." She said. "Give me a name."

"Why?"

"Just give me a goddamned name!"

"...Umm...how about Chicken?"

For that, she smacked him upside the head. "That's stupid."

"You must think I'm stupid to fall for the convenient villain-loses-memory plot device! Say no more! Goodbye!" He cried, throwing her back into the river, where she was later found living among the mermaids, but that is a story for another day.

Lucia stared at the videos on Brittube. Oh, the looks on her relatives' faces...were priceless.

Eucatastrophe grabbed ahold of a random girl. "Look, I got an Elven!"

"Let go of me!" Susie cried.

"I smell a convenient plot device slash blood traitor who will use us and deceive us. Prepare to die..." Cornelius hissed.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: a little NOTE, PEOPLE-this series is pretty much ooc of CG-it follows the episodes loosely, but has its own plot. So Euphemia/Euchie will not die, but something equally traumatizing-(and hysterical) will happen between the Japanese and him. And if you don't understand the point of making all the characters different genders, hey I did it to be consistent, because making only Lelouch a girl is stupid and it makes no sense, and two, this is a satire/parody, it doesn't have to make sense, and it's used for humor.

* * *

><p>Chapter 19 The rise of Fall and Euchie meets Cheerio in person<p>

Fall was on its way with a vengeance in the country of Japan-er, Arena 11. Every Elven had to stop by Briticist stores and pick up rakes and get ready to deal with both the blustery breezes that the evil, terrible fall brought with it and its dastardly partner, leaves. The leaves liked to become slippery devils and fall off the trees in a routine act of suicide, leaving the poor trees in the nude all winter long.

Raking leaves was an annoying but commonly accepted task, and it was here that both the Briticists and Elvens would actually work together in helping to clear up these leaves. However, they would not work within five feet of one another, rather they preferred to work _together, _but be as _far _away as possible while doing this task. The Briticists were hypocrites like that, you see. But that was how they were.

Thus, that is where we find our heroes-er, villains-er, goofballs, busy cleaning the steps of Ashtray Academy, as a punishment for not paying attention in class. They were using rakes, though some of the goofier members of Ashtray Academy's Student Council were using leaf-blowers and using a broom to sweep up the candy and gum wrappers left by the little brats.

"I can't believe we got caught watching that video," Mince complained, "It was my special, homemade video and now it's gone."

"Well, I guess the saying you don't know what you've got until it's gone rings true here," Lucia remarked, being a smartass as usual. She herself was busy sweeping up the candy wrappers, though she could've sworn she had seen Shiny eat some of the leftover candy in them...candy that was covered with mold and god-knows-what-else.

"This candy tastes weird," Shiny said out loud, to no one's surprise.

"Well, it's old candy that you shouldn't be eating to begin with," Nino whined, busy looking at his yuri magazines while sweeping haphazardly, getting a bunch of leaves in Mince's face.

"Hey, dude, knock it off!" Mince cried, getting back up and shoving a bunch of leaves in Nino's face and onto his magazine.

Nino scowled at this, brushing leaves out of his hair, "Hey, you know I'm a sane individual!"

Mince snickered, annoying Lucia and Shiny to no end. "Really, then why did you try to make out with a table?"

"Y-You promised you'd never tell anyone about that! There was just a bit of...m-milk spilled under there, so I...I..." Nino said, his face as red as an apple.

"Hmm...are you really this odd? I never thought you'd have objectophilia, huh?" Mince purred, "I'm gonna put you in Punch-a-Tron magazine. This week, they're gonna be punching objects. Tables are the main feature, mind if we feature your dream husband?"

"NOOO, NOT TABLE-KUN, HE WAS MY ONE AND ONLY! I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM! I'VE EATEN ON HIM, SAT ON HIM, EVEN DANCED ON HIM! HE'S MINE, MINE, MIIIIIINNNNNEEEEEE!" Instantly, Nino's pretense of sanity broke and he burst out sobbing hysterically.

"...Relax, Nino. He'll only be smashed into dozens of tiny little pieces and the pain will only be momentary for him anyway, and then the splinters will be hauled away to make a new couch for Empress Charisma, seeing as she broke it after an overnight binge-eating session-"

Nino passed out then and there, hitting his head on his hoe and falling into a hole that he had not even noticed himself create. He had been so busy constructing his yuri fantasies in his head that he had not even noticed the hole until it was too late-and he fell on top of Grandpa Generic, again.

"GODDANGIT, CAN YOU YOUNGSTERS STOP FALLING ON ME? WHAT'S AN OLD GEEZER LIKE ME GOTTA DO TO GET SOME PRIVACY AROUND HERE? I SWORE BEING UNDERGROUND WOULD GIVE ME SOME SPACE-"

"Grandpa Generic? I thought he died when the meteor hit the earth in the prehistoric era," Lucia mumbled.

"WHAT WAS THAT, YOU YOUNG WHIPPERSNAPPER? DID YOU JUST INSULT MY INTELLIGENCE? MY EARS DO MORE THAN FRAME MY FACE, YOU KNOW! I SAW WHAT THE CONTENTS OF THAT THERE MAGAZINE ARE, AND YOU, YOUNG MAN, NEED TO GROW UP! YOU WERE LOOKIN' AT SPARKLY, COLORFUL PONIES! SHOW SOME RESTRAINT!"

Nino flinched. "Are you kidding me? Ponies are amazing things! They're so amazing!"

"BOY THERE AIN'T NOTHING GREAT ABOUT PONIES. GO OUTSIDE AND SEE THE WORLD."

"...This coming from a shut-in?" Lucia questioned.

"Who do you think you are, you cretin?" The man went on to say vulgar, nasty things that shall not be repeated in this narrative, for nay, they are far too nasty for even this author to write.

...Really? You want me to write them? Well, it's your funeral.

Okay, fine, you asked for it. He called them ugly people with no life and told them their leaf-raking skills sucked. Telling someone their leaf-raking skills sucked was the second worst thing you could tell someone, right after anime sucks and you have no life.

* * *

><p>So after this task was done, the Student Council went to go have an Oktoberfest party-except that it wasn't even October yet, it was only September, so therefore it was a Septemberfest instead, much to their chagrin. Halloween had been brought up as early as May. Hey, Briticists love their holidays, especially Halloween. It was even better for them because their love of anime and cosplay enabled both to be done with great respect from the general population. To no one's surprise, the Serial Bites had been invited, and no one but Shiny seemed to notice that Lucia was conveniently MIA.<p>

"So, did you see the latest episode of Dean and Sam? They're so amazing, aren't they?" Collin gushed to his guy friends, who all looked at him strangely, of course he was also eating a caramel apple with vigor.

"Dude, that's kind of like, a chick show, why are you watching it?" Pierogi questioned, wondering what on earth could be seen of interest in that show. Of course, Pierogi was a no-good curmudgeon who always liked to go down on other people for their interests. He himself hated can openers and they hated him, too. He'd once had his arm nearly sliced open by one. He could swear they hated his guts.

"DON'T TOUCH THAT CAN OPENER!" Tambourine screamed, "I'll have your head on my plate like Celty if you touch it!"

"...Fine," Pierogi mumbled, folding his arms together and turning away. Unfortunately, Pierogi's topiary haircut met its end when a ceiling fan lopped half of it off. Pierogi wailed as he held the remains of his hair and he could swear there was a familiar figure nearby, operating that very same ceiling fan.

"CHEERIO, YOU ARE SO DEADDDDD!"

Lucia snickered darkly, only to gasp as she saw Euchie standing behind her, a Derpy Hooves plush in his arms.

"...Lucia? Is it you?"

She froze, unable to say a word. Except...she heard an ice cream truck roaring down the street. "Ice cream truck...whoever gets there first wins...!"

Instantly, Euchi forgot all about the entire thing and the two of them charged after the ice cream truck, along with all the sugar-deprived souls in the Serial Bites.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N:Christmas, yes, that's everything everyone talks about this time of year, isn't it? But some of us prefer things a bit more interesting and conflicted. So, let's just say some seasons have passed. And now it's time for the next chapter! Let's get on with it. I think I'm around episode 20-something now for this satire, which follows Code Geass loosely, but still significant enough that it can be counted as a Geass fanfic. So, now we get to Euphemia-are we gonna kill her off (or her male equivalent?) Nope. Expect something interesting to happen. **

**Chapter 20 Tis the season to be tortured, lalalalalalala-okay, that's enough. **

* * *

><p>Yes, Christmas spirit was in the air everywhere-well, not <em>everywhere-I mean, Christmas spirit was an extremely invisible substance, so if someone could see it, it'd ruin the appeal-right? <em>Well, in the ever oblivious country of Briticism, they were celebrating Christmas like there was no end to it. One could walk down the street and know, from the horribly empty streets to the tumbleweed blowing down the street, that countless innocent souls had fallen victim to the horror of excessive cheeriness.

Somewhere, Empress Charisma was binging on ages-old Christmas candy that was covered in ages of filth and god knows what else while she was watching incredibly cheesy and terrible forms of Japanese animation, to everyone else's chagrin and horror. The rest of the household knew full well about her anti-Christmas tendencies, and they had mostly resigned themselves to pretending that it never was present at all-kinda like the corn incident, which no one talked about-except that all the time, they did feel free to discuss it.

Well, right now Eucatastrophe was busy watching annoying Christmas kiddy films and annoying the hell out of everyone else. The weird thing was that Eucatastrophe was sixteen years old, so yeah, his brother had a right to be concerned. His brother should be outside like a real man, chopping wood, watching reality TV shows, and other adult things, right?

Euchie was seated right next to Odious, who was once again tied to his seat; apparently Odious had once again made the grievous mistake of calling anime stupid and telling the Empress herself to cheer up and start watching stuff that was in the 'holiday spirit.' Today, they were watching a series called The Mysterious Stuff that happened during Christmas-or that's what we were told, anyway.

A little girl was on the set, apparently wailing about the fact that no one was wishing for anything, and apparently dreaming of starting her own cult of believers, a most disturbing trait for a youngster to possess. But anyway, halfway through, everyone who had gathered in there to watch the movie had fallen asleep, dreaming of everything but Christmas, much to Euchie's disdain.

"Why can't they appreciate this season more? I mean, it's not like anything drastic or politically serious outside is happening that could jeopardize our happiness over the suffering of others, right?" He scoffed out loud. "Maybe I should create a giant Christmas-only zone or something and allow only Elvens to be on it! I mean, they're called Elvens because they love Santa, right?"

Ah, Euchie's clueless naivete knew no bounds. But alas, he has always had a history of such behavior. There was the time when he attempted to tell Cornelius that the Elvens were nice, nice people, despite Cornelius's better judgment; such as when a Jerboa's Witness came to the door, asking for justice for Jerboa Gobsmacked, claiming that he was severely misunderstood and that nothing was wrong with him.

Then there was the time that he mistook a dog running outside for Lassie and tried to take it home. But that is a story for another day.

Schnitzel el Briticism stormed in the room then, smearing her gorgeous makeup again that looked like it had been applied with a pair of tweezers. "...Are you done with this stupid nonsense yet? I have a rerun of the Briticist Bunch on and I won't miss it, not after watching Who's Dumber than a Talk Show Host and Briticists Idling about lazily. The last person who won that slouched around their house for around five days and did nothing, and I don't want to do anything that might jeopardize my winning that award!"

"Are you serious?" Carl le Briticism said, eating a piece of cake with his spoon. "You're already a natural when it comes to that field! You don't need some stupid hogwash show to prove otherwise!"

Schnitzel's eyes filled with tears, as they usually did when her evident stupidity was pointed out to her. It was time for her daily dose of drama, self-inflicted, unfortunately. "No one cares about me! You know I want to win that award, and that's why I can't afford to move for even a second! I lose every year and I just want to win, just once! That stupid green-haired girl beat me last year...I won't lose again to her..."

"This green-haired girl I mentioned...she wouldn't happen to be the same green-haired girl I was keeping for immoral purposes, was she?" Clover la Briticism said, but froze, realizing that not only had she broken a nail, but now she had ruined a coveted plot device. What would happen to her now?

"...Yes, and everyone knows about that, my dear Clover. Now, please, be a dear and fetch me some more of that custard-"

"I wish you wouldn't make jokes based on our names-" Custard said.

"When we're standing right here and can hear every word you're saying," Mollusk advised.

"...Yes, yes, we know already," Came the voice of one very inconspicuous suit of armor, which for some reason had been moving down the hallway and no one had apparently noticed it until now. The suit of armor took off its head and said, "Um, can I see Euchie now?"

"Go away, Elven scum," Cornelius advised, drawing a sword out and brandishing it at Suzie, who froze. "No one likes your screen time. Now leave, unnecessary character, for your presence doth make everyone else in this room uneasy."

"...Hey...this isn't too difficult...why would they say uneasy?" Euchie said. "And there's my convenient plot device! I have a task for you!" He cried, dragging Suzie by the arm.

"What do you want of me?" Suzie said, "I'd do anything for you-watch anime, operate cars, and work on anything you want!"

"...Um, aren't you a desperate individual. You creep me out," Euchie said, "But what if we were to pretend to fall in love with each other and convince people that you're my friend, then maybe we can bring Christmas to every Elven person!"

"What? N-Not everyone cares about it enough to be interested! What's the point of such a useless endeavor?" Suzie said, "Why don't we look at my stamp collection, or at my magic cat, Arthritis?"

The said cat hissed threateningly and waved a paw at Euchie. Euchie sighed.

"...Let's spread the joy of Christmas and Bronies everywhere!" Euchie said cheerily.

Suzie's response was to do the rational thing and pass out, on the carpet.

"...Did she really pass out? Let's see, is she alive? Hello, one, two, three, does it hurt if I throw these tacks at you?"

"Stop it, I'm awake!" Suzie cried, "I'm gonna head over on the Sanity Train if you don't mind me."

"Sanity Train? Where's that?" Euchie asked.

"Somewhere way far away from here!" Suzie cried as she ran off, desperate to go contact Lucia, who she knew would help her.

"...No, I'm not interested in dealing with my crazy younger brother's fetishes, go away and don't darken my door again," Lucia said in disinterest, closing the door in Suzie's face.

"Wait! I-I know your deepest, most dramatic, terrible secret, one that would cleave our friendship in two if it was revealed!" Suzie said, dramatically pausing to see what Lucia would say.

"Stop it with the melodrama. You don't know anything-"

"I know that you hate anime-"

"...No, that isn't it."

"What about your wish to dominate an entire world and control it?"

"Really?" Lucia said in disinterest. "IS that what you think my daily excursions at night are? Really?"

"Hey, Cheerio, come in and try this! It's a new test of that great video game where you sit and wait for the creepy animatronics to come kill you!" Collin cried out, "I've only made it to Night 3 and I keep dying-"

"...I'll be there in a second!" Lucia cried.

"Cheerio? You mean to tell me you're Cheerio, the great cereal campaigner? But I thought Cheerio was to be for Elven rights."

"Oh, really now? Well, that pretty much narrows down the possibilities of there being any other secrets that could jeopardize my and my little brother's safety-"

"ATTENTION, ELVENS AND BRITICISTS! I AM PLEASED TO BRING YOU THE INTERNATIONAL BRONY ZONE! EVERYONE CAN CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS AND COLORFUL PONIES!"

"Oh, god, no, _what_ did you fill his head with?" Lucia groaned, hitting her forehead.

"...I think it's mostly filled with clouds and rainbows, so it's not like there was anything else I could do. I can't believe he'd do something that stupid." Suzie groaned.

Euchie didn't understand why some incredibly menacing people were surrounding him, armed with tacks, hammers, and mistletoe. Why were they glaring at him?

"We don't like ponies," A big, buff man growled, slamming his fists together, "And especially no holidays like Christmas."

"What if I were to offer sugar gumdrops and candy canes for every Elven person?"

They paused for a moment, considering that offer.

"Meh, the Empress already does that, but whatever! We'll do what you want..."

"NO, MY SECRET CRUSH-ER, IDOL-ER, OBJECT, EUCATASTROPHE-KUN, YOU MUSTN'T GO WITH THEM! I AND I ALONE WILL SAVE YOU!"

"Who the hell are you?" Eucatastrophe said.

"...You know, I'm Nino Eightball, your one and only, your savior. The whole world bows down before me to our love together!"

"...Take him away. His sparkliness is starting to bother me. It's obvious he's a moe stalker."

"B-But...our love will last foreverrrrrr-" Nino cried, as he was hauled away by men with white coats.

"...Goodbye, Nino, we'll make sure to send you a postcard of Table-kun's splintered remains!" Mince said, wearing shades for some reason. "For now, let's bask in the glory of this glorious opportunity to scare more people into-I mean, rope more people into-no, I mean get more people to join us!"

"Sure, you're not a group of crazy idiots who aren't planning to brainwash more innocent civilians..." Lucia said. Instantly, Mince's eyes widened.

"Hey there, babe, looking good like usual. Wanna come watch the Christmas special with us? There's a special clearance there for couples-"

"Hmmm..." Lucia said, cupping her chin in thought. "I don't know. On one hand, it'd be nice to see a couple...no, I'll see a couple of seconds before I throw you into a wall!"

Mince's face fell. "Um, come on honey, let's have some fun-" His hand brushed up against her leg, and at that point, she kicked him, knocking his sunglasses off.

"...Actually, I really admire what you did to Nino. That act of supreme evil only solidified my mutual hatred and admiration of you. So I think I'll ask a little favor, see..." The Geese shone in her eye. "Will you help me brainwash more people to fight for nutrition?"

"Yes, I will," Mince said dully.

* * *

><p>Up in her room, Lucia laughed insanely while C.C. watched.<p>

"Are you practicing for your trip to the mental asylum?" She asked.

"Nope, I'm relatively sane compared to the stupidity of everyone else. Which is why, tomorrow, the Brony zone will receive a special visitor."


	21. Chapter 21 Attack of the Shopping Malls

**A/N:Whoa, I've got some major ideas here that are goofy, so I decided why not put them in a satire! Screw my stupid Mother Nature, I will update as much as I can. So, now, we're around episode 22, or 'Bloodstained Euphy.' No, that will not happen. And the goofy Genderbending tactic is just for fun and it's here to stay. And it wouldn't make sense if only one person was genderbent; plus it's fun to screw around with R2 and make fun of all the plot holes in it. So now, we go to The Specially Administrated-er, the Specially Administrative...er, however the hell you say it. And yes, I'm making Brony jokes. I'm an anti-brony, as well as a former Brony/Pegasister, who's embarrassed by the childish, immaturity of a lot of the fanbase. Not all fans are included, just the crazy ones who make everyone else look bad. Please don't be offended, this is clearly satire and intends to offend everyone and everything. That's what it's all about.  
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**Chapter 21 the birth of a nation, no, the nation divided by 5 with countless trials, tribulations, and other trite matters that can't be explained even via logic**

* * *

><p>Several months had passed since the chaotic Christmas disaster had descended upon the horrified citizens of Briticism, and already things were returning to harmony...as harmonious as they could be, ruled by an evil, dictatorial empire who controls them with an iron fist and-wait a second, we did this joke already. Nope, folks, we're not repeating old, worn-out puns.<p>

Yes, holidays were really all that the mindless, brainwashed citizens of Briticism thought of, while the Elvens were suffering anime withdrawal, brutal racism, and being inhumanly slaughtered for no real reason (except to show to the rest of the world that Briticism was full of huge, racist, no good blackguards who ought to be thrown off a cliff for their brutal ways, really now,) they were inhuman devils.

The Christmas parade had been eventful, what with Cheerio and the Serial Bites raining candy down the streets, almost every child had once again, wound up with bad teeth and bad grades in school. Children mutinied against their parents daily, begging and pleading them to meet Mrs. Cheerio, their hero who helped save them from a boring, ponderous life eating regular, bland, boring food devoid of flavor, interest, or passion.

Speaking of food, if there was one thing Briticists loved to do, it was..._eat, and shop._ No, seriously, eating was a huge pastime in the country that had rightfully earned its reputation as the most well-rounded country in the world, even surpassing the Chinese Fossilization in terms of how much food they ate. Yes, that was why Cheerio and the Serial Bites existed, to rid the world of obesity in all its many evils.

However, not everyone agreed with this precept. Humans are humans, after all, some brighter than others, others incredibly, incredibly dim, like one Mr. Shiny Fenestra, who still kept peeking in the girls' room constantly, looking for Lucia, even after they told him for the thousandth time that she was away doing some important plot-related activities and wouldn't be back until _he _was relevant again, much to his heartbreak.

"Why? Why can't I be important enough to get more than two lines in a single episode? This is totally unfair. I mean, I'm totally an important character who deserves recognition, right, guys, right...?"

He blinked upon seeing that the only person he was talking to-or thing, for that matter, was Mince Ashtray's pet Venus Flytrap. And it wasn't even a flytrap, it was an ordinary house plant that the latter had deluded himself into thinking it was one.

The plant suddenly swayed its tendrils menacingly, and instantly Shiny leapt backwards, terrified.

"Don't eat me!" He shrieked, as he ran from the plant's terrifying tentacles, but unfortunately for him, Shiny was scooped up by the plant and held in its grasp.

"Because...you...are so insignificant that when you die, no one will remember your existence...literally..."

"...Not even my amazing father?"

"Not even _your_ amazing father, aye, for he is nothing but a good-for-nothing idiot, who isn't good for anything-"

"Stop repeating yourself." Shiny said sharply, which earned him a sharp whack across the face. Suddenly a tongue slithered out from the plant and licked his face, causing him to scream rather loudly.

He looked up in time to see the 'tongue' was actually nothing more than a Gummi candy. And that the plant was actually Mince Ashtray, laughing hysterically.

"God, man, the look on your face! You actually believed this was real?"

"I'm not talking to you again," Shiny said angrily, glaring at his reflection, which now had cat whiskers on it and ears...wait, what...?

"I've designed a new thing for the Student Council...we're going to be cats, after this piece of shit here..." He said, holding out a gray ball of fur. "His name's Arthur."

"What's that short for?"

"Arthritis is his real name. Suzie lent him to me. So, we're looking just like him for a while-Shiny, what's wrong?"

"I DON'T WANT TO BE A FURRRRRRRRYYYYYY!" He screamed as he passed out.

"God, I was only joking. And look what I would have had Nino wear," He said before taking out the shackles, a prison outfit, a fake mustache, and a top hat. "Huh, none of these match at all. I've gotta stop shopping at those crappy fake supermarkets, they're so dumb. Too bad Nino's in the mental asylum now...I'll bet life for him must be super fun..."

He sighed in boredom. None of his toys were around to entertain him. Even his stuffed animals avoided him. Maybe that was because he had traded all of them away for a package of Crop Darts and Alien Airheads in sixth grade from the local bully, Lucia Lamborghini. No, wait, that was just a page of his sick fanfiction he was reading which somehow paired him up with absolutely everyone, including Lucia, Cheerio, Cheerio's motorbike, Cheerio's motorbike's tires, Shiny's sister Sparkly, Rika with a blanket...the oddest one was Shiny.

"Hm, here I have Shiny being paired up with a window," He remarked, "Say, what's all this I hear about some crazy Brony plan?"

A student, dressed in a horrifying horse outfit came..._cantering_ up to him.

"Can't you walk like a human?" He said.

"Nope, sorry, I'm actually not a human, I'm actually a demon, a fairy, a witch, a lizard, a wolf, a Pokemon, and a pony, in one! I only look like a human! The friendly voices in my head told me so! Euchie Li Briticism plans to mow the entire state of Japan down and build a shopping center!"

And thus Mince was left speechless. "Wait, what...? What did you just say?" He said.

But the crazed student had already left, galloping...down to a classroom where he dug the wallpaper off with the ends of his glasses, which he had sharpened into a weapon, somehow, stuck his head in through the door, and screamed something accursed about magic and friendship.

Instantly, one of the sanest members of the class stood up, strode over to the crazed soul and hit him in the face...with a paintball. At high speed.

"Shut up about that crap. God, fandoms...they're _even_ entering real life now. It's so freaky." She remarked, collapsing into a chair.

* * *

><p>"So, Euchie, about this idea of yours..." Cornelius began, but paused upon seeing Euchie was watching his 'special' tv show and frowned. "...Are you a five year old?"<p>

"...No..." He said dully, watching the rainbow horse fly across the screen.

"...Then why are you watching a show like that? You do realize the cameras are running, right?"

A stunned reporter watched Euchie Li Briticism, or Eucatastrophe, watching a kids' show and screaming.

"...I have nothing to say here, folks. I think I may have just witnessed something truly catastrophic." She remarked.

"...Oh, uh, about that Specially Administrated Zone thing...it's all a plan to turn Arena 11 into one huge shopping mall! Mow everything down and make it a shopping mall!"

"But, your Highness, we _can't_ just mow down people and buildings..." The reporter said, looking around nervously.

"...Build over them, then! Build over existing buildings! I don't care! Make everything shiny and magical!"

Lucia woke up the next day...to a very odd sight. No, it wasn't seeing her face in the mirror, she was used to that atrocity. She glanced out the window, in time to see...a blimp pass over her apartment building, one with sparkly hearts and rainbows. It had a message behind it...

It read:_ 'Prepare for the new future of Arena 11! Your life as a 24 hour shopping complex begins now! Every store will now be owned, hosted by, and featured with shopping for friendship, magic, and love! All Elvens will get everything for higher prices. In no way, shape or form do we condone even allowing Elvens to have rights, this is merely a test to troll all of you for our own convenience. The Elven term is copyrighted and anyone who uses it will be sent before a firing squad and sent to heaven.'_

Her eyes widened at the atrocities she saw...ponies, everywhere. But, even worse, discount signs were on everything...everything in sight of Ashtray Academy. There was a huge hustle and bustle as she went down with Neddy to see what was up.

"Let's take this historic brick! Charisma Zi Briticism's grandfather, Grandpa Granola, sat on it once...the brick might still be warm after years of fermenting...it is said that he brought his wife, Grand Goddame Waffle, here and they would often make hot, sticky-"

"Enough! We don't need such dirty talk!"

"...No, they opened a sticky bun business here. They made sticky, hot sweet buns. But Waffle's buns were to die for...in both senses. Either way, the restaurant was tragically torn down, but this is all that stands of it."

Suddenly she heard a huge crash as a pillar fell down and off the school, to be surrounded by a bunch of crazy people, waving their money around. This, of course, caused the school, to lean a little bit off-course.

"This is the pillar that Euchie Li Briticism ate his lunch on! It might still have some crumbs I can scour! I'll take it for ten thousand dollars!"

Another clang could be heard, as a poor, innocent, door was thrown off its hinges.

"...Let's take this door, too! It was used by a telemarketer once, it must have some sense of value!"

"And how about this doorknob? Legend has it the mythical key of Artemis was lain here...and then lost when its owner left it in a restaurant."

"What about this cat? It's called Arthritis, but it might be the reincarnation of King Arthur himself! I'll take it for five dollars!"

"These fingernails were used to read a novel by the great Odious Eww Briticism. They should be transported to a museum!"

"These magazines are filled with yaoi and yuri. They should be thrown into the incinerator and burned."

The clamour continued for hours, as Lucia argued with Pierogi about what to do, amidst all the crashing, banging, and booming...until she suddenly noticed something. Something wrong...the floorboards were gone. A large, black shadow loomed over the building she was in. It was...a wrecking ball. Panicking, Lucia jumped out a ten story window (with her secret costume, of course) and had only minor injuries as the entire school caved in from one fatal blow in the side.

The person using the bulldozer stomped out, scattering his pony toys everywhere and throwing candy to everyone.

"LUCIA! NOW WE CAN BE TOGETHER! YOU DON'T NEED THIS SCHOOL ANYMORE! WE CAN SHOP FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER..."

"You idiot!" She screeched, smacking him. "What the hell did you do that for? How can any of the students go to school now? What about Neddy?"

"...Uh...you can all go live in the Special Administrative Shopping Zone. It's licensed, but you can go there. Just ignore all the noise, it's easy to ignore."

She looked back at her school, and saw in disbelief that the windows had been thrown off, the door, everything valuable (and not) had been taken, from a student's lipstick to a woman's old toenails, to a boy's Fecesbook posts. Everything had been destroyed by Euchie. And now he was daring to tell her what she could and couldn't do with her life.

Angered, she activated her Geese power. "I ORDER YOU TO GIVE UP THIS INSANE PLAN AND STOP ALL THE CRAZY PEOPLE AND BRONIES, HORSES, WHATEVER! AND RETURN THIS SCHOOL TO NORMAL!"

Unfortunately, she was looking down when she said it. Oh.

"I order you to stop being a Brony and to destroy all of the pony merchandise...and to rebuild this school, piece by piece!"

"Okay! I will rebuild the school, destroy all of the pony merchandise, and destroy all the Bronies. Mission accepted!" Euchie chirped.

"I was joking..." She said, but it was too late. Euchie was already destroying his plush toys, ripping their heads off, tearing them up with scissors, all while everyone was watching with horrified eyes. Then he ran off, down to the stores, to get some painters and some paint.

"YOU RUINED THE COLLECTOR'S VALUE!" One screamed.

"WHY ARE WE RANDOMLY SHOUTING STUPID THINGS?" Another said.

"WHY ARE WE STANDING HERE WHEN WE JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET MIND-CONTROLLED?"

"They're becoming a bit _too_ smart now," C.C. remarked.

"Would you stop him?" Lucia said in annoyance.

"Stop him? Why, you're merely making him sane again. He will surely thank you. And if you don't mind me, I'm off to the new home we have. It can't be all that bad."

TWO THOUSAND YEARS LATER (SPONGEBOB NARRATOR VOICE, just imagine it)

"That's the fifteenth time I've heard a car door slam, heard a baby whine, and heard free bargains! That stuff will haunt my nightmares!" Collin whined. "And I can't use my video games!"

"...I changed my haircut and people still keep trying to buy me, saying I'm a can opener," Pierogi said. "Somehow, they don't believe that it's a legit first name."

"It's a hell of a lot better than Eucatastrophe, that's for sure." Tambourine remarked.

"_Anything's_ better than Eucatastrophe." Lucia remarked, without her mask. Her mask had been destroyed by the Wrecking Ball. She had left it in the swimming pool.

"...So now we know who you are." Pierogi said.

"Yeah, we're without a job, a purpose, a reason for existing, and a place to live. This place doesn't even have noiseproof headphones, or a good set of darts. No good Internet access, either."

"And worst of all..." Suzie said, having been exiled by Cornelius for the mere crime of saying that his brother was an insane idiot... "Are the screams of the fallen. The shoppers."

* * *

><p>"MY DAUGHTER CAN HAVE WHATEVER SHE WANTS, IT'S HER BIRTHDAY!"<p>

"Madam, you _cannot_ buy 900 toys right now. It's simply impossible."

"SHE'LL UNWRAP ALL OF THEM, THEN! HONEY, THROW SOME BACK ON THE SHELF NOW. WE'LL...MAKE IT...885 TOYS, THEN."

"No...we can't afford that."

"All right, then...855."

"No...madam, please, you're holding up the line."

"...Fine, 725 toys for twenty two thousand dollars!"

"Ma'am, 725 toys would be over a million. You cannot buy that many."

Just then, a screeching sound like a banshee could be heard.

"What the hell_ is _that sound?" Tambourine whispered.

"...It's what known in many cultures as a toddler. They're demons of the highest order. They regenerate instantly, speak at shrill sounds and say confusing words to make others around them stupider, and attack with high-pitched screaming sounds to blow out the offender's eardrums. Then they have a spasm and attack themselves, pounding on their chests like gorillas. All in all, they are a strange and terrifying race. Do not approach..." Collin whispered.

"Are you reading that online?"

"No, it's on this game I'm playing. Toddlers are evil things, though. Not all of them, but those ones...they're awful. They tried to steal my video games. Another tried to set my clothes on fire."

"All right, I'm sick and tired of this cacophony! We're going to get Ashtray Academy back, we're going to get the Serial Bites back, and above all, we're taking our status as main characters back! Euchie is over with! We will find him and destroy all of his shopping markets!" Lucia cried.

Everyone cheered.

"But...what do we do...?"

Lucia facepalmed. "I just said..."

"I still don't get it," Collin said.

"I'm _surrounded_ by morons..." Lucia remarked.


End file.
